Yes, I am going to use the word dick in the piece. Sorry if it upsets your delicate sensibilities. If it really bothers you, substitute the word poohead, or very assertive person, or whatever you come up with. However, very assertive person is a pretty subjective, but everyone knows when someone's being a dick.
This concept has been rolling around in my head for a decade or so, but I never heard it spoken in a way that connected with me. This complex concept need a catchphrase. Something short and relatable; something people could easily understands.
I heard this catchphrase two months ago while watching a PBS show at 4:00 in the morning. I won't bore you with the details of sleep deprivation due to fracturing your patella, but let's just say four hours of sleep was about average back then.
The show is called Roadtrip Nation. It's about three young, college aged people traveling through the country, talking to people who are successful in the fields the travelers are studying. In the episode I watched, they meet Ben Kaufman, a guy who started his first million dollar company at age 19. He's a funny, driven, all or nothing kind of guy. The kind of guy I'd enjoy spending a day with. He's also the kind of guy I would probably strangle if I had to spend four days on a road trip, stuck in a car with this guy.
When asked by the three college students what's the best general advice he could give them, he paused and said, "I'm probably going to get in trouble for this, but.... find the right amount of dick."
You could see the strange smirks on the student's faces, as they tried to figure out what he meant.
He went on to say there are three kinds of people; some who are not enough dick, some that too much dick, and those who are the right amount of dick.
He explained those who are not enough dick go with the flow, they let the world bully them around and tell them what direction their life is going to go. Then there are those who are too much dick. They might be successful, but no one wants to work with them because they're abrasive and arrogant. In the middle, you have people who are the right amount of dick. These people fight for the things they believe in, care about the people around them, and pick their battles, knowing when to let the small stuff slide.
That is such great advice.
When I was younger, I was not enough dick. I went with the flow, I let people plan and run my life. After being out on my own and succeeding on my own terms, through my own efforts, I became more confident in myself. That self-confidence is crucial in finding that right amount of dick. I knew who I was, and that knowledge gave me permission to be a little more of a dick.
If your self-confidence is low, it's hard to stand up for yourself in business, in relationships, or in any aspect of your life. It also works the other way. If your self-confidence is low you can try to make up for it by being too much dick.
So do you have to be an old guy like me to find that right combination of assertiveness and diplomacy? No, I don't think so. I believe you can find this self-confidence by knowing yourself. I mean, really knowing yourself.
Self-awareness is the key to self-confidence. You have to strip away the layers of BS you tell yourself. About your past, about the way you think the should work, and get down to the real you.
Are you a good person? Do you constantly hurt other people's feelings? Do you do the same wrong things again and again? Are you trust worthy? Do you do what you say you are going to do? Do you think about other people's situations before you act or speak?
This is a no excuse zone. It's not a "What I'd like to think of myself as" assessment, it's a "What do I do in real life" assessment.
If you've never done this kind of real self-assessment, this kind of looking at yourself from the outside like a stranger would see you, then you should do this immediately. You might have some very interesting, very honest conversations with some close friends and family.
If you come up with a good, honest self assessment, you can then look at how much of a dick you are.
If you are a not enough dick, you must become more assertive. Start by saying no to things that are not a priority. Don't give an explanation, just say no. It's hard, but you can do it. Stand up for the people and things you believe in. You are the person in charge of your life. No one else is going to care about your happiness the way you will. Being even a little bit of a dick may be something you never thought was acceptable. But it's okay to be the right amount of dick. Not all the time, and not with malice, but embrace it and move on. You'll be a lot happier.
If you are too much of a dick, take a look at how you see the world, and how you see yourself. Ask yourself; do I have to be right every time? Do I have to have things my way all the time? Do I have to live in a world where everyone and everything is my way or it's automatically wrong? If so, you are going to be awful lonely at the end of your life. You might even be very successful, but you are going to burn through jobs, coworkers and/or employees at a blistering rate. You will consistently run through friends, alienate family, fight with your neighbors, and have an ever growing list of people I used to like, but now I can't stand. But it will be okay, because you'll be right!
So, here is the question I want you to ask yourself. Am I the right amount of dick? At home? At work? In all aspects of my life?
If you asked your family or coworkers/boss/employees this question and they answered honestly, what do you think they would say?
That balance is out there folks, you can find it. But you have to know where you are on that dick scale to start.
Friday, July 07, 2017
Saturday, May 13, 2017
The sorting alley.
For all you city dwellers out there, please bear with me.
If you have been around a cattle ranch for any amount of time, you have sorted cattle. By sort, I mean taking a large group of critters and dividing them into smaller sub-groups. Mother cows and calves in one pen, bulls in another, weened steers and heifers in their own separate places, etc. To do this you need one of two things; A well built sorting alley that has been logically designed with that purpose in mind, or a set of pens, and a few really good horses, and cowboys who know what they are doing.
Both will work, and while I do love to watch a good hand on a finished horse work cattle in an alleyway. To be honest, I would rather have a welded pipe sorting alley, with heavy duty Powder River gates that swing both ways, hang straight and shut tight with one hand. (I just read that line back and it sounds a bit dirty; oh well)
With a sturdy, well designed sorting alley, I can grab anyone with a pulse, an above room temperature IQ, and go sort cattle. If they can understand two words: In and By.
I'm not sure if In and By are universal terms in feedlots, auction yards and corrals across America, but they seem to be. I like using them because you can't mistake the two words, even with a Texas, Australian, or any other accent.
If you sort off a cow and send it down the alley, you yell "IN!" the person swings the gate into the alley, blocking the alley and opening the first pen. The cow will see the opening and 95% of the time will just trot into the correct pen. If you yell "BY" the person keeps that gate closed, moves to one side of the alley, to leave plenty of room for the cow to go by, and it trots by the gate and down the alley to an open pen.
You may ask yourself, what happens the other 5% of the time? Bad things. Bad things happen.
These bad things happen when cows decide against the path of least resistance and chose their own path. Their path usually involves pain, bent pipes, broken boards, broken bones, scars, black eyes and funny/horrific stories you tell you buddies at the bar. I have a few stories that involve the line, "so after he flipped me over his head, there I was, upside down in the crowding alley hoping the bull wouldn't come back to finish the job."
We sort cattle for a specific purpose. To separate calves from their mothers when It's time to ween them. To give a certain group a specific vaccine or treatment. Sometimes we sort them into groups because we want all the same kinds going to one place, to the sale yard for example.
The worst thing that happens in the sorting pens is after you worked all day to sort a few hundred head of cattle into the groups you want them, and someone forgets to latch a gate. Or the cattle break down a fence and they get mixed back together. (it just gives me a shiver to think about it)
So why are we talking about cows? Sorting cows is easy to understand. What about people? Well, we sort people in everyday life too. I don't know why we do it, I just know we do. Everyone does. Yes, even you and yes, even me.
I think it might be a product of our evolution. When we see someone, walking down the street, next to us in line at the store, in the elevator as the doors close, our brain asks the question; Friend or foe? Am I going to be safe with this person or is there a danger here? From the beginning of time, if you were bad at picking out dangerous people, your bloodline was killed off.
You were smashed in the head with a rock, or stabbed with a sharp stick, all the while thinking, hmmm, they seemed friendly enough.
That kind of friend or foe mindset is foreign to most of us these days. Unless you are police officer, a soldier, a night shift guy at the convenience store, or just live on the street in a bad part of town, the chances of you bumping into real life-threatening danger is remote at best. But we still sort people all the time.
One of the easiest ways to sort people is simple; do they look like me? If they do, there's a better than average chance they are kind of like me, or at least share the same set of basic values I do. If they don't look me, or dress like me, or speak the same language, the easiest thing to do is to assume they are not like me. If they are different from me, they go into the "not quite sure about this guy" pen before I add them to the 'people like me' list.
Now I can already hear you now saying, "No, that's just you racist hillbillies, I don't judge anyone by how they look." That my friend, is pure manure. I guarantee I can put you in a situation, no matter your race, creed or color, where that 'friend or foe' mechanism will be working overtime as you try to navigate your way back to familiar surroundings.
I guess we are a product of our environment to some degree. If all you see around you are people who look like you, it's easier to think of everyone outside of that environment as "Them".
Them, they, those people; basically people who are not like you.
Sometimes it goes far beyond what we look like. I know plenty of people whose skin, hair and eye color are the same as mine, but we don't share the same world views, political views, religious views, or any number of different views.
It is easy for me to sort these people into their own 'them' groups. Liberals, socialists, conservatives, lunatics, Trump supporters, etc. Once someone puts you into a group, it's hard to make your way out. We keep those pens shut tight. We all do it.
The one and only time we met, you may have said something that put you into one of my groups, and there you will stay until we meet again.
It's kind of a harsh reality, but we all do it to a certain extent. If I see a Hillary sticker on your car, you are immediately sorted into the Liberal group. If I see an Obama 08' and 12' and Sanders 16' sticker on your car, you move to the Socialist group. It works both ways too. If you see my NRA Life Member card when I buy lunch, you will sort me into the Crazy Gun Guy group. (and I'm not saying you would be wrong either)
Now, I know many friends who voted for Hillary, and I even if I do sort them into the Liberal pen, it doesn't mean we can't be good friends. It just means I need to have them screened for other mental illnesses. I kid, I kid.
One of my friends, who I worked with for years, is an African American fellow. We spent many, many a swing shift hour talking about our shared faith, our divergent political views, and race relations in America. We don't agree on everything, in fact, we have spirited disagreements about quite a few things. All that being said: I love that guy. He is a good dude. He is one of 'my kind' of people.
The strange thing is, I've known people for years, people who look like me, talk like me, dress like me, and probably share most of my political views, who are not 'my kind' people.
They are not interested in the world around them, they are not interested in ideas, and they certainly are not interested in looking inward at themselves. They are closed minded. All their problems are caused by someone or something outside their control. They are victims of all sorts of forces aligned against them.
I guess if there are any lessons to be learned, it's that we all sort people. Sometimes it's a necessity, based on the situation. Most of the times it just our brain working in the background yelling IN! and BY!
I know it takes a conscious effort, but we should get to know people a bit more before we sort them into a pen they may not belong in. I know I need to work harder at that.
How many friends have I passed up, or not engaged with because they looked or thought differently than I did? How many poisonous people have I let into my life because we they looked like me and shared similar views on a certain things?
In today's political climate, sorting people seems to be what we do first. I wish we wouldn't. I will try to be better at this, or at least open the pens a lot sooner and let them find their way to where they belong.
If you have been around a cattle ranch for any amount of time, you have sorted cattle. By sort, I mean taking a large group of critters and dividing them into smaller sub-groups. Mother cows and calves in one pen, bulls in another, weened steers and heifers in their own separate places, etc. To do this you need one of two things; A well built sorting alley that has been logically designed with that purpose in mind, or a set of pens, and a few really good horses, and cowboys who know what they are doing.
Both will work, and while I do love to watch a good hand on a finished horse work cattle in an alleyway. To be honest, I would rather have a welded pipe sorting alley, with heavy duty Powder River gates that swing both ways, hang straight and shut tight with one hand. (I just read that line back and it sounds a bit dirty; oh well)
With a sturdy, well designed sorting alley, I can grab anyone with a pulse, an above room temperature IQ, and go sort cattle. If they can understand two words: In and By.
I'm not sure if In and By are universal terms in feedlots, auction yards and corrals across America, but they seem to be. I like using them because you can't mistake the two words, even with a Texas, Australian, or any other accent.
If you sort off a cow and send it down the alley, you yell "IN!" the person swings the gate into the alley, blocking the alley and opening the first pen. The cow will see the opening and 95% of the time will just trot into the correct pen. If you yell "BY" the person keeps that gate closed, moves to one side of the alley, to leave plenty of room for the cow to go by, and it trots by the gate and down the alley to an open pen.
You may ask yourself, what happens the other 5% of the time? Bad things. Bad things happen.
These bad things happen when cows decide against the path of least resistance and chose their own path. Their path usually involves pain, bent pipes, broken boards, broken bones, scars, black eyes and funny/horrific stories you tell you buddies at the bar. I have a few stories that involve the line, "so after he flipped me over his head, there I was, upside down in the crowding alley hoping the bull wouldn't come back to finish the job."
We sort cattle for a specific purpose. To separate calves from their mothers when It's time to ween them. To give a certain group a specific vaccine or treatment. Sometimes we sort them into groups because we want all the same kinds going to one place, to the sale yard for example.
The worst thing that happens in the sorting pens is after you worked all day to sort a few hundred head of cattle into the groups you want them, and someone forgets to latch a gate. Or the cattle break down a fence and they get mixed back together. (it just gives me a shiver to think about it)
So why are we talking about cows? Sorting cows is easy to understand. What about people? Well, we sort people in everyday life too. I don't know why we do it, I just know we do. Everyone does. Yes, even you and yes, even me.
I think it might be a product of our evolution. When we see someone, walking down the street, next to us in line at the store, in the elevator as the doors close, our brain asks the question; Friend or foe? Am I going to be safe with this person or is there a danger here? From the beginning of time, if you were bad at picking out dangerous people, your bloodline was killed off.
You were smashed in the head with a rock, or stabbed with a sharp stick, all the while thinking, hmmm, they seemed friendly enough.
That kind of friend or foe mindset is foreign to most of us these days. Unless you are police officer, a soldier, a night shift guy at the convenience store, or just live on the street in a bad part of town, the chances of you bumping into real life-threatening danger is remote at best. But we still sort people all the time.
One of the easiest ways to sort people is simple; do they look like me? If they do, there's a better than average chance they are kind of like me, or at least share the same set of basic values I do. If they don't look me, or dress like me, or speak the same language, the easiest thing to do is to assume they are not like me. If they are different from me, they go into the "not quite sure about this guy" pen before I add them to the 'people like me' list.
Now I can already hear you now saying, "No, that's just you racist hillbillies, I don't judge anyone by how they look." That my friend, is pure manure. I guarantee I can put you in a situation, no matter your race, creed or color, where that 'friend or foe' mechanism will be working overtime as you try to navigate your way back to familiar surroundings.
I guess we are a product of our environment to some degree. If all you see around you are people who look like you, it's easier to think of everyone outside of that environment as "Them".
Them, they, those people; basically people who are not like you.
Sometimes it goes far beyond what we look like. I know plenty of people whose skin, hair and eye color are the same as mine, but we don't share the same world views, political views, religious views, or any number of different views.
It is easy for me to sort these people into their own 'them' groups. Liberals, socialists, conservatives, lunatics, Trump supporters, etc. Once someone puts you into a group, it's hard to make your way out. We keep those pens shut tight. We all do it.
The one and only time we met, you may have said something that put you into one of my groups, and there you will stay until we meet again.
It's kind of a harsh reality, but we all do it to a certain extent. If I see a Hillary sticker on your car, you are immediately sorted into the Liberal group. If I see an Obama 08' and 12' and Sanders 16' sticker on your car, you move to the Socialist group. It works both ways too. If you see my NRA Life Member card when I buy lunch, you will sort me into the Crazy Gun Guy group. (and I'm not saying you would be wrong either)
Now, I know many friends who voted for Hillary, and I even if I do sort them into the Liberal pen, it doesn't mean we can't be good friends. It just means I need to have them screened for other mental illnesses. I kid, I kid.
One of my friends, who I worked with for years, is an African American fellow. We spent many, many a swing shift hour talking about our shared faith, our divergent political views, and race relations in America. We don't agree on everything, in fact, we have spirited disagreements about quite a few things. All that being said: I love that guy. He is a good dude. He is one of 'my kind' of people.
The strange thing is, I've known people for years, people who look like me, talk like me, dress like me, and probably share most of my political views, who are not 'my kind' people.
They are not interested in the world around them, they are not interested in ideas, and they certainly are not interested in looking inward at themselves. They are closed minded. All their problems are caused by someone or something outside their control. They are victims of all sorts of forces aligned against them.
I guess if there are any lessons to be learned, it's that we all sort people. Sometimes it's a necessity, based on the situation. Most of the times it just our brain working in the background yelling IN! and BY!
I know it takes a conscious effort, but we should get to know people a bit more before we sort them into a pen they may not belong in. I know I need to work harder at that.
How many friends have I passed up, or not engaged with because they looked or thought differently than I did? How many poisonous people have I let into my life because we they looked like me and shared similar views on a certain things?
In today's political climate, sorting people seems to be what we do first. I wish we wouldn't. I will try to be better at this, or at least open the pens a lot sooner and let them find their way to where they belong.
Happy Mother's day
This time of year, everyone talks about how they have the best mom. I am here to put and end to this slanderous chatter. You can't have the best mother. That title belongs to my mom, Alice.
She is the best mom because she raised me and my sister, and we are awesome. Actually, I am awesome, and my sister is quite a bit above average, but falls short of awesome because she doesn't have dimples and is a far inferior dancer.
That being said, mom is the best because she had to put up with us, and she didn't kill us. This is an enormous accomplishment in itself. I may have to give just the slightest edge to my sister here because she was rarely in trouble, where as I was constantly into all kinds of mischief and chicanery.
Alice is a great cook. I'm not embellishing here, this woman can flat out cook. Ask any of my friends who spent time at our house over the years and they will say the same. Her chicken cacciatore is wonderful.
She is also a cross between Dr. Phil -only much less creepy- and Mr. Rodgers, with less sweaters. My mom has given me some of the best advice I have ever received. Even when I did not listen to it, she was right. She taught me how to be kind, how to care about others, and how to believe in myself.
She loves music, especially Elvis. She always had those 8-track tapes playing on the seemingly endless road trips we used to take with dad as he was looking for ranches to buy, sell or lease.
Iv'e never seen her throw a fit in all my years, and I gave her plenty of reasons to do that very thing. She did snap a wooden spoon on my backside once, but she only got mildly flustered and went to the kitchen where she kept a braided riding crop on top of the fridge and that gave me the chance to escape.
All kidding aside, my mother is a remarkable woman. I could not, and would not, ask for a better one.
Happy Mother's Day Alice, I love you dearly.
(PS, since you live up in the dinggles, you're getting an Amazon card)
She is the best mom because she raised me and my sister, and we are awesome. Actually, I am awesome, and my sister is quite a bit above average, but falls short of awesome because she doesn't have dimples and is a far inferior dancer.
That being said, mom is the best because she had to put up with us, and she didn't kill us. This is an enormous accomplishment in itself. I may have to give just the slightest edge to my sister here because she was rarely in trouble, where as I was constantly into all kinds of mischief and chicanery.
Alice is a great cook. I'm not embellishing here, this woman can flat out cook. Ask any of my friends who spent time at our house over the years and they will say the same. Her chicken cacciatore is wonderful.
She is also a cross between Dr. Phil -only much less creepy- and Mr. Rodgers, with less sweaters. My mom has given me some of the best advice I have ever received. Even when I did not listen to it, she was right. She taught me how to be kind, how to care about others, and how to believe in myself.
She loves music, especially Elvis. She always had those 8-track tapes playing on the seemingly endless road trips we used to take with dad as he was looking for ranches to buy, sell or lease.
Iv'e never seen her throw a fit in all my years, and I gave her plenty of reasons to do that very thing. She did snap a wooden spoon on my backside once, but she only got mildly flustered and went to the kitchen where she kept a braided riding crop on top of the fridge and that gave me the chance to escape.
All kidding aside, my mother is a remarkable woman. I could not, and would not, ask for a better one.
Happy Mother's Day Alice, I love you dearly.
(PS, since you live up in the dinggles, you're getting an Amazon card)
Monday, October 17, 2016
All the future Presdients men, and pundits.
There are a few movies that I will watch again and again; much to my wife's dismay. She will muddle something under her breath about how many times I have watched this movie as she shakes her head and walks away. I think of it as the mark of good movie. You know what's going to happen, and you still watch it because it's a great film. One of these movies, for me anyway, is All the President's Men (1976) staring Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman. If you are a millennial, or someone who doesn't follow politics, it's the story about two young reporters who investigate, and keep digging to prove a connection between the Nixon White House and a burglary at a Democratic campaign office in the Watergate office complex.
Yeah, something fishy was going on, but unless you kept pushing, kept asking questions, kept the heat on until someone gave you a piece of the puzzle, there would be no story. Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein kept digging, kept pushing for information, even when everyone else had lost interest. It didn't hurt that most everyone at the Washington Post hated Richard Nixon, but even if they were motivated by politics, they did their job. They broke the story, and that story brought down an administration, and sent people to jail. It also made Woodward and Bernstein famous and the darlings of the DC cocktail scene. The other impact Watergate made was to inspire generations of journalism majors to not just report the news, but go out and 'change the world'.
I watched that movie (again) last night, and I was startled by the conclusion I reached as the credits rolled. That movie may have signaled the end of objective journalism in America.
The news business has always had a left of center slant since I can remember. I watched Walter Cronkite, and Dan Rather along with the rest of the evening news anchors read the news since I was a boy. Granted, you only saw them a half hour each night, so it was harder to get a sense of their political leanings. However, time has a way of bringing out their biases, especially when they get out from behind that chair.
In the 70's, the percentage of republicans in the newsroom was about 25%. Today, only 7% of journalist are Republicans. Most reporters won't tell you what party they affiliate with; they claim to be independent. One look at the front page of any major paper will tell you what they won't; they are far to the left of the nation they are reporting on. That's fine. If your industry wants to present a single point of view, you are certainly allowed to do so. If you want to hire only like-minded people and have a business model based on monolithic group think, it is certainly your right. Just don't ask me to weep for you as your circulation crumbles and your newsrooms get smaller and smaller.
Journalist once reported the news, today they have chosen sides, and that side has little to do with truth. Today, most of the main stream journalism has much more to do with ideology than transparency and accountability of government. Just look at who they give their own money to.
Even working for a democrat politician doesn't seem to disqualify you from being an "objective" journalist. From Chuck Todd, George Stephanopoulos, Chris Matthews, back to Tim Russert, being a former democratic staffer just gives you insight, not bias, I guess. The list of reporters married to democrat staffers, politicians and government officials is almost endless.
Watch how easily progressives slide between journalism and Democratic Party operatives.
At this year's Democratic Convention, Debbie Wasserman Schultz was fired as Democratic Party Committee Chair after emails leaked detailing her coordinating with various news outlets and reporters to make sure Hillary Clinton faced no hard questions during interviews. So what happened next? Donna Brazile stepped in to replace her. Donna Barzile was working for CNN and ABC at the time! Now it's come out that Brazile even fed a potentially damaging question to the Clinton camp before the Townhall because she thought it might be tough one for Hillary to answer. Oh, and Wasserman Schultz? She was hired by Hillary Clinton as a campaign consultant! Presto chango! One minute a journalist, the next, a democrat operative, and vise versa.
It's just one big game of musical chairs between democrats and journalists. What ever happened to the reporting the truth, no matter the party affiliation? Journalists are not interested in the truth today, unless that truth is damaging to a person or political party they disagree with. The Republican Party is by far the largest target, but even Bernie Sanders got a little taste of this when he went up against the media's anointed candidate.
Look, I know this is the time you start saying "Oh yeah? Well what about Fox News! Those guys are all a bunch of rightwing nut jobs!" Point taken.
I am not a huge fan of Fox News, or any cable news channel for that matter. Fox has it's point of view, and slants its coverage to its audience. If you wonder why Fox beats the pants off the other cable news channels, the answer is simple. There is no balance, or should I say very little conservative point of view presented on CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and NBC news. I would say they are 90% liberal/progressive in what they cover, and maybe even more importantly, what they don't cover. As for Fox, if I had to put a number on it, I would say the conservative to liberal coverage of news stories on Fox is 70/30. However, most of the so called conservatives at Fox are main stream, big government republicans anyway.
Lord help us if you're getting you news from The Daily Show, Bill Maher or NPR.
Back to my point. If the big media, the New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, etc, were interested in the truth, they would be out for blood in these latest batch of Hillary Clinton's emails.
They would be looking at The Clinton Foundation for what it is; a thinly veiled pay-for-play racketeering ring where Bill and Hillary take hundreds of millions of dollars from large corporations, foreign countries, and the super wealthy elites, to use their contacts and, in Hillary's case, her official position as Secretary of State, to influence public policies and make things happen for their donors.
You simply can't have your closest, most senior advisors and staffers, working for (and getting handsomely compensated by) the US State Department, The Clinton Foundation and private lobbying firms, all at the same time!
Remember all you folks who were trying so hard to connect Dick Cheney to Halliburton after he sold all his shares before becoming VP? He had all his money in a blind trust and had no interaction with Halliburton during the Iraq war, but you were certain he was pulling strings to make himself millions. Hillary is openly doing what you wanted Cheney imprisoned for; Making her, her family, and her friends rich by using public office.
Now Hillary is running for president, and the money is pouring in, by the billions, with a "B".
Look, it's a good deal if you need something done through the government to make yourself, or your corporation, your country, or your NGO rich. The whole world knows she is open for business, and business is booming.
After this election, the truth about Hillary Clinton will come out. Did you notice I said after this election? Once the media has another democrat safely in the White House, they will start to get curious about the Clinton Foundation. Especially the ones who were Bernie Sanders supporters. My guess is Senator Clinton will not make it through her first term. The pressure will be too great and she may site "her health" as a reason to step down before she is impeached. Can you say President Tim Kaine?
Back to All the presidents men. I wonder where today's Woodward and Bernstein are? My guess is there are entire newsrooms full of gung-ho reporters out to "change the world", they just want to make sure that change fits with their progressive world view. If not, they're not interested in the story....
Yeah, something fishy was going on, but unless you kept pushing, kept asking questions, kept the heat on until someone gave you a piece of the puzzle, there would be no story. Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein kept digging, kept pushing for information, even when everyone else had lost interest. It didn't hurt that most everyone at the Washington Post hated Richard Nixon, but even if they were motivated by politics, they did their job. They broke the story, and that story brought down an administration, and sent people to jail. It also made Woodward and Bernstein famous and the darlings of the DC cocktail scene. The other impact Watergate made was to inspire generations of journalism majors to not just report the news, but go out and 'change the world'.
I watched that movie (again) last night, and I was startled by the conclusion I reached as the credits rolled. That movie may have signaled the end of objective journalism in America.
The news business has always had a left of center slant since I can remember. I watched Walter Cronkite, and Dan Rather along with the rest of the evening news anchors read the news since I was a boy. Granted, you only saw them a half hour each night, so it was harder to get a sense of their political leanings. However, time has a way of bringing out their biases, especially when they get out from behind that chair.
In the 70's, the percentage of republicans in the newsroom was about 25%. Today, only 7% of journalist are Republicans. Most reporters won't tell you what party they affiliate with; they claim to be independent. One look at the front page of any major paper will tell you what they won't; they are far to the left of the nation they are reporting on. That's fine. If your industry wants to present a single point of view, you are certainly allowed to do so. If you want to hire only like-minded people and have a business model based on monolithic group think, it is certainly your right. Just don't ask me to weep for you as your circulation crumbles and your newsrooms get smaller and smaller.
Journalist once reported the news, today they have chosen sides, and that side has little to do with truth. Today, most of the main stream journalism has much more to do with ideology than transparency and accountability of government. Just look at who they give their own money to.
Even working for a democrat politician doesn't seem to disqualify you from being an "objective" journalist. From Chuck Todd, George Stephanopoulos, Chris Matthews, back to Tim Russert, being a former democratic staffer just gives you insight, not bias, I guess. The list of reporters married to democrat staffers, politicians and government officials is almost endless.
Watch how easily progressives slide between journalism and Democratic Party operatives.
At this year's Democratic Convention, Debbie Wasserman Schultz was fired as Democratic Party Committee Chair after emails leaked detailing her coordinating with various news outlets and reporters to make sure Hillary Clinton faced no hard questions during interviews. So what happened next? Donna Brazile stepped in to replace her. Donna Barzile was working for CNN and ABC at the time! Now it's come out that Brazile even fed a potentially damaging question to the Clinton camp before the Townhall because she thought it might be tough one for Hillary to answer. Oh, and Wasserman Schultz? She was hired by Hillary Clinton as a campaign consultant! Presto chango! One minute a journalist, the next, a democrat operative, and vise versa.
It's just one big game of musical chairs between democrats and journalists. What ever happened to the reporting the truth, no matter the party affiliation? Journalists are not interested in the truth today, unless that truth is damaging to a person or political party they disagree with. The Republican Party is by far the largest target, but even Bernie Sanders got a little taste of this when he went up against the media's anointed candidate.
Look, I know this is the time you start saying "Oh yeah? Well what about Fox News! Those guys are all a bunch of rightwing nut jobs!" Point taken.
I am not a huge fan of Fox News, or any cable news channel for that matter. Fox has it's point of view, and slants its coverage to its audience. If you wonder why Fox beats the pants off the other cable news channels, the answer is simple. There is no balance, or should I say very little conservative point of view presented on CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and NBC news. I would say they are 90% liberal/progressive in what they cover, and maybe even more importantly, what they don't cover. As for Fox, if I had to put a number on it, I would say the conservative to liberal coverage of news stories on Fox is 70/30. However, most of the so called conservatives at Fox are main stream, big government republicans anyway.
Lord help us if you're getting you news from The Daily Show, Bill Maher or NPR.
Back to my point. If the big media, the New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, etc, were interested in the truth, they would be out for blood in these latest batch of Hillary Clinton's emails.
They would be looking at The Clinton Foundation for what it is; a thinly veiled pay-for-play racketeering ring where Bill and Hillary take hundreds of millions of dollars from large corporations, foreign countries, and the super wealthy elites, to use their contacts and, in Hillary's case, her official position as Secretary of State, to influence public policies and make things happen for their donors.
You simply can't have your closest, most senior advisors and staffers, working for (and getting handsomely compensated by) the US State Department, The Clinton Foundation and private lobbying firms, all at the same time!
Remember all you folks who were trying so hard to connect Dick Cheney to Halliburton after he sold all his shares before becoming VP? He had all his money in a blind trust and had no interaction with Halliburton during the Iraq war, but you were certain he was pulling strings to make himself millions. Hillary is openly doing what you wanted Cheney imprisoned for; Making her, her family, and her friends rich by using public office.
Now Hillary is running for president, and the money is pouring in, by the billions, with a "B".
Look, it's a good deal if you need something done through the government to make yourself, or your corporation, your country, or your NGO rich. The whole world knows she is open for business, and business is booming.
After this election, the truth about Hillary Clinton will come out. Did you notice I said after this election? Once the media has another democrat safely in the White House, they will start to get curious about the Clinton Foundation. Especially the ones who were Bernie Sanders supporters. My guess is Senator Clinton will not make it through her first term. The pressure will be too great and she may site "her health" as a reason to step down before she is impeached. Can you say President Tim Kaine?
Back to All the presidents men. I wonder where today's Woodward and Bernstein are? My guess is there are entire newsrooms full of gung-ho reporters out to "change the world", they just want to make sure that change fits with their progressive world view. If not, they're not interested in the story....
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
712 More Things to Write about.
I discovered this book on a road trip I took with my son last fall. We were in Portland and had gone to see Powells Books. If you don't know about Powells, let's just say it's the biggest book store I have ever seen. It's an entire city block of books. Over 1,000,000 books under one roof.
If I can't think of anything else to write about, I'll crack this open again and pick an assignment. Here are a few I just picked at random.
I feel better when I write, I should do it more often.
I'm a book junky, so I could have easily spent several hundred dollars buying first editions, rare books and other things that struck my fancy. In a fit of self discipline that may take a long time to best, I bought only two books. One was The Rifle Book by the late Jack O'Conner, and the other was 712 More Things to Write About.
As someone who likes to write, I don't have any books on how to write. Which must be quite evident to my readers. It is easy for me to get stuck in a rut, and find myself going back to visit themes I've touched on before. I don't know what drew me to this book, but I cracked it open in one of the hundred isles at Powells to this assignment:
"Imagine you are on Yelp. Write a review of the restaurant everyone is talking about. In the fourth paragraph, admit you've never eaten at the restaurant, but argue why your misinformed opinion is still more important than the other reviews."I had to buy this book. (I'm usually not this crass, but I didn't think anyone would ever read this, which is kind of liberating, but here's what I wrote)
Zero Stars.
I absolutely hated the Inverted Penguin. (I think I made that up. I don't know of any restaurant by that name) The food was sub standard fare at best. The wait staff were not exactly rude, but definitely not friendly.
The decor is an ill attempt at Shabby Chic. Seriously, you just can't buy a bunch of crap at the flea market, throw it on the walls and call it a "homey atmosphere"; it's still just crap.
The prices seem very steep for the low grade slop they serve. I can think of a lot better ways to spend my money. Throwing it at the bums lurking outside, or just dowsing it in gasoline and using it to light the Inverted Penguin on fire would be putting it to far better use.
In all honesty, I have never eaten at the Inverted Penguin. When I drove by at lunch today, I saw a guy I know walking in. He is an asshole. Not just a regular asshole; he's a first class, blue ribbon, certified gold plated asshole. If he eats there, the place must be horrible. Trust me on this one folks. Stay away, it will only lead to your ruin.So, these are the little things in life that keep me sane. Or at least at some acceptable level of sanity that keeps me out of an institution.
If I can't think of anything else to write about, I'll crack this open again and pick an assignment. Here are a few I just picked at random.
- Pick a pop song you loved as a child. Listen to it and write for at least five minutes without stopping.
- Write the scene about the first time someone other than your family or friend told you they loved you.
- Nixon's deathbed.
- Describe someone receiving a gift that you made for them by hand and they loved it.
- Write a letter of forgiveness to someone who is unforgivable.
I feel better when I write, I should do it more often.
Friday, March 04, 2016
"If there is anything I admire more than a devoted friend, it's a dedicated enemy."
That line is from one of my favorite movies of all time, The Big Country. It's one of my favorites because it's one of my mom's favorites. She would play the soundtrack on the turntable while cleaning the house when I was a kid. The score is wonderful, with its soaring themes and dynamic tension. Like I said, it's a great movie.
The line is delivered by one of the two main antagonists in the movie, Maj. Henry Terrill. His old nemesis Rufus Hannassey, has just crashed his daughter's formal engagement party to protest a raid on his home by Terrill's men earlier that day. His speech is about twenty year's worth of built up animosity towards Terrill, all in front of the Major's invited guests. As he finishes, he throws his shotgun down at Terrill's feet. He walks out of the formal party daring Terrill to shoot him in the back.
Terrill is taken aback, and a bit embarrassed, but apologizes for Hannassey's behavior and delivers that classic line."If there is anything I admire more than a devoted friend, it's a dedicated enemy."
Now, I am not one to hold a grudge for the most part. I can't think of a single person who I am holding any ill feelings toward.
Now, animals? Well, that's a different story.
There are a few animals who I have hardened my heart towards, to steal a biblical metaphor.
The mule who ran away with me at full speed for two very interesting, if not terrifying, minutes would be on the list.
I'm not sure why I even threw a leg over that beast, but I must have had a reason.
I could not find a headstall that would fit that suitcase of a head he had, so I rigged up a draft horse bridle for him and that was too big. He just put his head straight up so I couldn't get any leverage on him and decided to launch himself down between the pastures at the ranch. The barbed wire fences on either side of us seemed to blur by as he ran with the reckless abandon of a escaped maximum security convict. At the end of the road we made a very nifty sliding stop and turn back, worthy of finished reining horse, and we ran the gauntlet once again.
As we were coming back to the barn area, where all the people, cars and kids were, I decided to take one for the team and muscle that not-so-guided missile into the side of the plywood covered round pen. Again, with much more grace than I would have thought possible, he came to a sliding stop as he smacked his nose against the round pen wall. I stepped off and led him back to the hitching rail. He followed behind me like milk pen calf.
My wife took that mule to the auction before I could have my rematch. I will never know what great catastrophe would have befallen me if I were to have climbed aboard that long eared rocket again, but I'm sure it would have made for a great story; or my death.
Then, there was Sharky.
Sharky was my real nemesis. That horse had it in for me. Luckily he was not my horse, or one of us would have killed the other in short order. He was our friend Kristen, or KK's horse. KK was a teenager at the time and Sharky was a big 16+ hand appendix quarter horse. He was a two year old, the same age as my new horse Dash, who was similarly built and only slightly less crazy. Dash was a dark bay and Shark was a dappled gray at the time. Big, dumb teenagers is what they were. Doing big, dumb teenage stuff.
Shark claim to fame was as an escape artist. He would chew and play with every latch, snap, lock, and knob within his reach. He could get out of anything. If he had opposable thumbs, he may have taken over and become the dictator of a small Central American country. He was diabolical.
Much like many psychopaths, Sharky could lull you into a false sense of security with his playfulness and seemingly kind disposition. This was all a ruse. He was just waiting for the right time to strike. He wanted no witnesses or physical evidence. He just wanted them to find you dead in a field with him in the next pasture happily eating grass, looking innocent. He almost got away with it too.
One night, I heard the unmistakable sound of horse hooves on the pavement out in front of the house. It must have been about 3AM. I put on my pants and slippers and headed outside to find Sharkey. He was in the barn with his head stuck in a garbage can full of oats. I muddled under breath something about finding him a nice home in France where they eat ill-behaved horses, and took off my belt to use as a lead rope. I wrapped it around his neck and started to lead him back to his stall. As we turned the corner, he bolted straight ahead and fired both back feet at me as he sped off into the night. I could feel the air from those hooves as they skimmed past my head.
Once I was able to stand up without my limbs shaking uncontrollably, I found a halter and lead rope and headed out to find Sharky. He was running all over the park, having a grand time. When I was close enough to swing that rope around his neck, he would bolt off kicking up his heels, and if horses could laugh, I'm pretty sure he would have.
The only way I was able to catch him was when he ran into a cable stretched around the parking area. It hit him about the knees while he was in a full run. He turned a complete somersault and landed on his belly. I thought to myself, I hope you broke all four legs you blankety blank, blankety blanking blank. (I am not proud of this behavior, I am just being honest)
So when Shark made it to his feet with just a minor case of road rash, he must have thought it was time to quit all his shenanigans. I walked up, put his halter on him, walked him back to his stall, put him inside and double locked both doors.
When I came back to the house, my wife rolled over in bed and asked, "Who got out?" I said, "It was Sharky and I'll tell you the whole story in the morning."
Shark mellowed with age. While most people loved the big gray who would eat from your hand, rub his head on you, and enjoyed a good petting, I was not buying his 'reformed' act. I knew in his heart he was still out to get me. I could have been wrong, maybe he had changed, maybe he had turned into a 1,200 pound Labrador retriever. Maybe.
Twenty some-odd years later, my wife sent me a text today saying they had to put Sharky down. He had a bad colic.
I feel bad for Kristen and her mom Sandy. They loved that big lug his whole life and would scoff at my proclamations of his malice towards me.
Goodbye Sharky, my dedicated enemy, I will in fact, miss you.
The line is delivered by one of the two main antagonists in the movie, Maj. Henry Terrill. His old nemesis Rufus Hannassey, has just crashed his daughter's formal engagement party to protest a raid on his home by Terrill's men earlier that day. His speech is about twenty year's worth of built up animosity towards Terrill, all in front of the Major's invited guests. As he finishes, he throws his shotgun down at Terrill's feet. He walks out of the formal party daring Terrill to shoot him in the back.
Terrill is taken aback, and a bit embarrassed, but apologizes for Hannassey's behavior and delivers that classic line."If there is anything I admire more than a devoted friend, it's a dedicated enemy."
Now, I am not one to hold a grudge for the most part. I can't think of a single person who I am holding any ill feelings toward.
Now, animals? Well, that's a different story.
There are a few animals who I have hardened my heart towards, to steal a biblical metaphor.
The mule who ran away with me at full speed for two very interesting, if not terrifying, minutes would be on the list.
I'm not sure why I even threw a leg over that beast, but I must have had a reason.
I could not find a headstall that would fit that suitcase of a head he had, so I rigged up a draft horse bridle for him and that was too big. He just put his head straight up so I couldn't get any leverage on him and decided to launch himself down between the pastures at the ranch. The barbed wire fences on either side of us seemed to blur by as he ran with the reckless abandon of a escaped maximum security convict. At the end of the road we made a very nifty sliding stop and turn back, worthy of finished reining horse, and we ran the gauntlet once again.
As we were coming back to the barn area, where all the people, cars and kids were, I decided to take one for the team and muscle that not-so-guided missile into the side of the plywood covered round pen. Again, with much more grace than I would have thought possible, he came to a sliding stop as he smacked his nose against the round pen wall. I stepped off and led him back to the hitching rail. He followed behind me like milk pen calf.
My wife took that mule to the auction before I could have my rematch. I will never know what great catastrophe would have befallen me if I were to have climbed aboard that long eared rocket again, but I'm sure it would have made for a great story; or my death.
Then, there was Sharky.
Sharky was my real nemesis. That horse had it in for me. Luckily he was not my horse, or one of us would have killed the other in short order. He was our friend Kristen, or KK's horse. KK was a teenager at the time and Sharky was a big 16+ hand appendix quarter horse. He was a two year old, the same age as my new horse Dash, who was similarly built and only slightly less crazy. Dash was a dark bay and Shark was a dappled gray at the time. Big, dumb teenagers is what they were. Doing big, dumb teenage stuff.
Shark claim to fame was as an escape artist. He would chew and play with every latch, snap, lock, and knob within his reach. He could get out of anything. If he had opposable thumbs, he may have taken over and become the dictator of a small Central American country. He was diabolical.
Much like many psychopaths, Sharky could lull you into a false sense of security with his playfulness and seemingly kind disposition. This was all a ruse. He was just waiting for the right time to strike. He wanted no witnesses or physical evidence. He just wanted them to find you dead in a field with him in the next pasture happily eating grass, looking innocent. He almost got away with it too.
One night, I heard the unmistakable sound of horse hooves on the pavement out in front of the house. It must have been about 3AM. I put on my pants and slippers and headed outside to find Sharkey. He was in the barn with his head stuck in a garbage can full of oats. I muddled under breath something about finding him a nice home in France where they eat ill-behaved horses, and took off my belt to use as a lead rope. I wrapped it around his neck and started to lead him back to his stall. As we turned the corner, he bolted straight ahead and fired both back feet at me as he sped off into the night. I could feel the air from those hooves as they skimmed past my head.
Once I was able to stand up without my limbs shaking uncontrollably, I found a halter and lead rope and headed out to find Sharky. He was running all over the park, having a grand time. When I was close enough to swing that rope around his neck, he would bolt off kicking up his heels, and if horses could laugh, I'm pretty sure he would have.
The only way I was able to catch him was when he ran into a cable stretched around the parking area. It hit him about the knees while he was in a full run. He turned a complete somersault and landed on his belly. I thought to myself, I hope you broke all four legs you blankety blank, blankety blanking blank. (I am not proud of this behavior, I am just being honest)
So when Shark made it to his feet with just a minor case of road rash, he must have thought it was time to quit all his shenanigans. I walked up, put his halter on him, walked him back to his stall, put him inside and double locked both doors.
When I came back to the house, my wife rolled over in bed and asked, "Who got out?" I said, "It was Sharky and I'll tell you the whole story in the morning."
Shark mellowed with age. While most people loved the big gray who would eat from your hand, rub his head on you, and enjoyed a good petting, I was not buying his 'reformed' act. I knew in his heart he was still out to get me. I could have been wrong, maybe he had changed, maybe he had turned into a 1,200 pound Labrador retriever. Maybe.
Twenty some-odd years later, my wife sent me a text today saying they had to put Sharky down. He had a bad colic.
I feel bad for Kristen and her mom Sandy. They loved that big lug his whole life and would scoff at my proclamations of his malice towards me.
Goodbye Sharky, my dedicated enemy, I will in fact, miss you.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
The burden of rocks.
In the community group I attend, through my church, we recently spoke about the story of Jesus, and the adulterous woman in John chapter eight. If you know the story bear with me, if not, it's a great view of Jesus' love and non-judgement.
In the story, I always wonder what Jesus was writing with his finger on the ground. I like to think it was the names of the people up front ready to hurl the biggest rocks. Maybe it was a list of sins Jesus knew these people had committed. Anyway, Jesus had the perfect opportunity to judge and condemn her, (it seems she was truly guilty) but he didn't. He used her situation to point out the hypocrisy of the religious leaders and those who were so quick to judge and demand 'justice'.
Justice is a tricky thing.
We want justice when we have been wronged. We want justice, we demand justice, and maybe even something more, something closer to revenge. Not just an eye for eye, but wanting two times, or ten times as much punishment for the offender. When we are on the receiving end of pain, be it physical, financial, or emotional; we want justice. We demand it. We want to start picking up some rocks.
What about when we are on the other side of that equation? What about when we are the ones who caused pain for others?
Oh, I didn't mean to do it, it was an accident. Oh, I'm sorry for what I did, I was just having a really rough day. Yeah I was pretty mean, but they deserved it.
When we hurt someone or do something wrong, or sneaky, or manipulative, or just plain mean, we start losing interest in justice. No, when we are the ones on the defendant's stand, we're not terribly interested in justice; we want mercy.
Later, when you think back on your actions, you should start to feel bad. That's your conscience working in you. It might also be the Holy Spirit convicting you of your bad behavior. However this manifests itself in you, your reaction may be to rationalize the situation. You start making excuses for your actions, your temper, your outburst. Believe me; I am great at this. I can justify my terrible behavior with a laundry lists of excuses.
I am never truly at fault, because no matter what I did, there must have been a good reason. Even when I have no excuse, I can always fall back on, "Well, I'm basically a good person and I just had a bad day, I lost my temper, I won't do that again." It's one of my favorite excuses, I use it all the time.
The problem is, it's a lie. If I don't change my heart, I will do it again.
So, to sum it up; When we wrong someone, we want understanding and mercy. When we are wronged, we want justice and punishment. That is a double standard for sure. It is also the text book example of hypocrisy.
So what are we supposed to do when we are wronged? Here is what Jesus said;
It's hard to list all the situations where you might have a confrontation. They are all different. Someone calling you lazy tub of crap is different than a person smashing you in the face with a chair. I'm probably just going to ignore you if you call me a name. Those kinds of things really don't bother me. I will try my best to ignore it if you hurl that same insult at my wife or kids. However, I'm probably going to confront you and ask you to apologize. What I let slide personally is somehow much more of a problem when it comes to my family. I'm trying to work on that.
All that being said, I am going to stop you from smashing me the face with the chair. I know I'm supposed to turn the other cheek, but if I can't get away from the situation, I'm going to stop you from injuring me or someone else. If you get hurt in the process, I am going to be okay with that.
Sorry. It's just one of the many, many failings I have a Christian.
Thankfully, most confrontational situations we encounter are not the life threatening kind. However, we live in an imperfect world, filled with imperfect people who can be an absolute pain in that ass. (language is another failing if you haven't caught on) If we choose to be offended and hurt, the world will oblige us with an avalanche of anger and pain.
Back to the ways we choose to handle these situations. One of the things we do when we're hurt, is we look around for a rock.
We search around and evaluate each rock to find the perfect one. Just the right size for the amount of hurt you feet inside, maybe even the next size bigger. Once you find that rock, you write their name on it, the time, date and situation that caused your pain, and put it in your pocket. You will wait for the perfect time to unleash this rock at them. You're a strong person, with a lot of hurt. You can carry around plenty of rocks for a very, very long time. You're just waiting for a chance to do the maximum amount of damage. Like the saying goes; Hurt people, hurt people.
That jackass at work? Oh I have four or five big rocks with all the times he screwed me over. My spouse? Oh yeah, I have a dozen or big ones and a few handfuls of smaller hurts to give back. My neighbor who always parks in my spot? Oh yeah, I've got one for him. The guy who cut me off on the freeway? I've got two for him. My family? I may need a truck to haul around all the rocks I have stored up for them. You get the point.
The problem is we pay a huge toll for carrying all those rocks around with us. We are worn down by the burden of all that pain, all that anger. It makes us miserable. There is little room for joy in our life. There is little room for Jesus in our life.
That burden, that weight, it destroys marriages. It destroys families and friendships, and it can turn you into the person no one wants to be around. The person where everything is about them, and what crappy thing happened to them today, and what terrible offense is waiting around the corner. After a few years, or decades, they get used to carrying all those rocks and start to wear them as a badge of honor. They are on the constant lookout for new rocks, new offenses to add to the collection. It's a very difficult way to go through life.
Here's the thing, we're almost always given the opportunity to put our rocks down. The problem is, we don't. Most of those opportunities come when we sit down and communicate with the person who hurt us. Not the everyday chit chat of our daily routines, but a real dialogue where you have permission to drop some rocks.
Now, fair warning, if you have a lot of rocks, and some especially big ones, there are going to be some smashed toes when these hit the floor on both sides. I like to call these Difficult Conversations. I don't have nearly enough of them with the people in my life and I really need to work on that.
How do you have a Difficult Conversation? You start by asking permission. Both of you need to know that things might get heated, feelings will probably be hurt, but no one is going to die. Get this straight up front. You need to tell your fight-or-flight mechanism to calm down and just relax for a while. Everything is going to be okay, we are just talking.
We are trying to find some clarity. Clarity is a wonderful thing. It's not, I'm right and you're wrong. It is to know a situation clearly, with no misunderstandings, no hidden motivations, or unspoken expectations. At the end of the day, we don't have to agree on everything, as long as we have a clear understanding of the situation and the other person's point of view.
The temptation when having a difficult conversations will be to start dropping those rocks a little closer to that person's feet. You want them to experience at least a little bit of the pain you've been holding on to. However, if you get too wound up, you will find yourself firing those rocks at point blank range.
Like I said, you have to go into this with the understanding that you care you for the other person and you want to make your relationship better. Remember, they will be carrying plenty of rocks too. It's not easy, but it gets easier the more you practice.
Here is the best way (hint: it's Jesus' way) to handle conflict and dealing with pain and anger caused by someone; Forgive them.
If you can, if you have the strength, you can simply lay those rocks down at your feet. You can forgive them for the hurt they did to you. Intentionally or otherwise.
The feeling of setting that burden down is incredible. I have felt it myself. That knot in the pit of my stomach was untied. That gloomy state of mind that I had seen my world through was lifted. It is a freeing sensation that makes you feel lighter, for lack of a better word. It is a game changer, it is a life changer.
The goal is to become very hard person to upset. The goal is to not pick up any new rocks.
Once you get in the habit of forgiveness, you will find yourself searching your life for rocks you may have hidden. You will recognize the minute you pick one up. You will find yourself thinking, "Oh, I picked up this rock for that guy back at the mall didn't I? No biggie, he was probably having a bad day dealing with all those people, I forgive him."
Clunk.
That is the sound of you dropping a rock. It's a wonderful sound.
The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”Now before you think this was some type of schoolyard bully's rock fight, realize the scribes and Pharisee (scholars of the religious law) were wanting this woman killed by smashing her in the head with rocks. Stoning was a brutal way to punish someone for breaking the law in that time.
In the story, I always wonder what Jesus was writing with his finger on the ground. I like to think it was the names of the people up front ready to hurl the biggest rocks. Maybe it was a list of sins Jesus knew these people had committed. Anyway, Jesus had the perfect opportunity to judge and condemn her, (it seems she was truly guilty) but he didn't. He used her situation to point out the hypocrisy of the religious leaders and those who were so quick to judge and demand 'justice'.
Justice is a tricky thing.
We want justice when we have been wronged. We want justice, we demand justice, and maybe even something more, something closer to revenge. Not just an eye for eye, but wanting two times, or ten times as much punishment for the offender. When we are on the receiving end of pain, be it physical, financial, or emotional; we want justice. We demand it. We want to start picking up some rocks.
What about when we are on the other side of that equation? What about when we are the ones who caused pain for others?
Oh, I didn't mean to do it, it was an accident. Oh, I'm sorry for what I did, I was just having a really rough day. Yeah I was pretty mean, but they deserved it.
When we hurt someone or do something wrong, or sneaky, or manipulative, or just plain mean, we start losing interest in justice. No, when we are the ones on the defendant's stand, we're not terribly interested in justice; we want mercy.
Later, when you think back on your actions, you should start to feel bad. That's your conscience working in you. It might also be the Holy Spirit convicting you of your bad behavior. However this manifests itself in you, your reaction may be to rationalize the situation. You start making excuses for your actions, your temper, your outburst. Believe me; I am great at this. I can justify my terrible behavior with a laundry lists of excuses.
I am never truly at fault, because no matter what I did, there must have been a good reason. Even when I have no excuse, I can always fall back on, "Well, I'm basically a good person and I just had a bad day, I lost my temper, I won't do that again." It's one of my favorite excuses, I use it all the time.
The problem is, it's a lie. If I don't change my heart, I will do it again.
So, to sum it up; When we wrong someone, we want understanding and mercy. When we are wronged, we want justice and punishment. That is a double standard for sure. It is also the text book example of hypocrisy.
So what are we supposed to do when we are wronged? Here is what Jesus said;
You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunich let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.Now that is hard to do. It's almost impossible for me. As much as I like to think I am hard to offend, I do get upset at times. To be honest, I usually handle being wronged in one of three ways; I can act against it right then and there, I can ignore it, or I can forgive.
It's hard to list all the situations where you might have a confrontation. They are all different. Someone calling you lazy tub of crap is different than a person smashing you in the face with a chair. I'm probably just going to ignore you if you call me a name. Those kinds of things really don't bother me. I will try my best to ignore it if you hurl that same insult at my wife or kids. However, I'm probably going to confront you and ask you to apologize. What I let slide personally is somehow much more of a problem when it comes to my family. I'm trying to work on that.
All that being said, I am going to stop you from smashing me the face with the chair. I know I'm supposed to turn the other cheek, but if I can't get away from the situation, I'm going to stop you from injuring me or someone else. If you get hurt in the process, I am going to be okay with that.
Sorry. It's just one of the many, many failings I have a Christian.
Thankfully, most confrontational situations we encounter are not the life threatening kind. However, we live in an imperfect world, filled with imperfect people who can be an absolute pain in that ass. (language is another failing if you haven't caught on) If we choose to be offended and hurt, the world will oblige us with an avalanche of anger and pain.
Back to the ways we choose to handle these situations. One of the things we do when we're hurt, is we look around for a rock.
We search around and evaluate each rock to find the perfect one. Just the right size for the amount of hurt you feet inside, maybe even the next size bigger. Once you find that rock, you write their name on it, the time, date and situation that caused your pain, and put it in your pocket. You will wait for the perfect time to unleash this rock at them. You're a strong person, with a lot of hurt. You can carry around plenty of rocks for a very, very long time. You're just waiting for a chance to do the maximum amount of damage. Like the saying goes; Hurt people, hurt people.
That jackass at work? Oh I have four or five big rocks with all the times he screwed me over. My spouse? Oh yeah, I have a dozen or big ones and a few handfuls of smaller hurts to give back. My neighbor who always parks in my spot? Oh yeah, I've got one for him. The guy who cut me off on the freeway? I've got two for him. My family? I may need a truck to haul around all the rocks I have stored up for them. You get the point.
The problem is we pay a huge toll for carrying all those rocks around with us. We are worn down by the burden of all that pain, all that anger. It makes us miserable. There is little room for joy in our life. There is little room for Jesus in our life.
That burden, that weight, it destroys marriages. It destroys families and friendships, and it can turn you into the person no one wants to be around. The person where everything is about them, and what crappy thing happened to them today, and what terrible offense is waiting around the corner. After a few years, or decades, they get used to carrying all those rocks and start to wear them as a badge of honor. They are on the constant lookout for new rocks, new offenses to add to the collection. It's a very difficult way to go through life.
Here's the thing, we're almost always given the opportunity to put our rocks down. The problem is, we don't. Most of those opportunities come when we sit down and communicate with the person who hurt us. Not the everyday chit chat of our daily routines, but a real dialogue where you have permission to drop some rocks.
Now, fair warning, if you have a lot of rocks, and some especially big ones, there are going to be some smashed toes when these hit the floor on both sides. I like to call these Difficult Conversations. I don't have nearly enough of them with the people in my life and I really need to work on that.
How do you have a Difficult Conversation? You start by asking permission. Both of you need to know that things might get heated, feelings will probably be hurt, but no one is going to die. Get this straight up front. You need to tell your fight-or-flight mechanism to calm down and just relax for a while. Everything is going to be okay, we are just talking.
We are trying to find some clarity. Clarity is a wonderful thing. It's not, I'm right and you're wrong. It is to know a situation clearly, with no misunderstandings, no hidden motivations, or unspoken expectations. At the end of the day, we don't have to agree on everything, as long as we have a clear understanding of the situation and the other person's point of view.
The temptation when having a difficult conversations will be to start dropping those rocks a little closer to that person's feet. You want them to experience at least a little bit of the pain you've been holding on to. However, if you get too wound up, you will find yourself firing those rocks at point blank range.
Like I said, you have to go into this with the understanding that you care you for the other person and you want to make your relationship better. Remember, they will be carrying plenty of rocks too. It's not easy, but it gets easier the more you practice.
Here is the best way (hint: it's Jesus' way) to handle conflict and dealing with pain and anger caused by someone; Forgive them.
If you can, if you have the strength, you can simply lay those rocks down at your feet. You can forgive them for the hurt they did to you. Intentionally or otherwise.
The feeling of setting that burden down is incredible. I have felt it myself. That knot in the pit of my stomach was untied. That gloomy state of mind that I had seen my world through was lifted. It is a freeing sensation that makes you feel lighter, for lack of a better word. It is a game changer, it is a life changer.
The goal is to become very hard person to upset. The goal is to not pick up any new rocks.
Once you get in the habit of forgiveness, you will find yourself searching your life for rocks you may have hidden. You will recognize the minute you pick one up. You will find yourself thinking, "Oh, I picked up this rock for that guy back at the mall didn't I? No biggie, he was probably having a bad day dealing with all those people, I forgive him."
Clunk.
That is the sound of you dropping a rock. It's a wonderful sound.
Monday, February 08, 2016
Exclusive interview with Doland Trump.
First off, I'd like to thank my special guest tonight, in his first, and I imagine, his only interview here in Yolo County, Donald Trump.
Great to be here Wolf.
It's Walt Mr. Trump. I know the New Hampshire primary is just hours away from finishing up, so I'm sure you have been on a whirlwind media blitz today. I'm glad you could carve out some time for the people here in Yolo County.
Wait, you aren't Wolf Blitzer, who are you again?
Jim! Jim, I thought you said I was on with Wolf for a CNN piece, who is this guy? Walt? From where? Where the hell is Yolo County, up by Manchester?
Fine. Fine, whatever, whatever, lets just do this, I'm on with Jake Tapper in ten minutes anyway.
Fine. Fine, whatever, whatever, lets just do this, I'm on with Jake Tapper in ten minutes anyway.
Okay, Walt is it? Go ahead, you have six minutes.
Mr. Trump, I know you are ahead in the polls in New Hampshire, but there seems to be a bit of a chink in your armor after your second place finish in the Iowa Caucasus. Do you think the people of Iowa didn't understand your message or did they just not connect with your personality?
No, but seriously, the people in the country areas of Iowa, which is most of Iowa, are great people. Really, they are great people, but the are kinda folksy if you know what I mean. A lot of them don't understand a business man like me. It's hard to tell them about trade and China, they don't even have any good Chinese food in Davenport. All they have is Chick-Fil-A and Jimmy's King Gyros, which has fantastic falafel by the way.
Hmm, never been to Jimmy's King Gyros, thanks for the tip. So you're saying they aren't smart enough to understand the subtleties of your campaign positions? Don't you risk alienating these same type of voters when the race turns to the south for what some are calling the SEC primaries?
Alienating them? No way. These country folks love me. they've never seen anyone like me in their lives. I have people lining up in three feet of snow just to see me. It's great, just great. These people may be a bit dull but they know a winner when they see one, and I am a winner. I win at everything, and when I am president, we are all going to start winning again. I am going to make America great again.
What do you say to those people who claim you have changed your party affiliation 5 times, changed your position numerous times on a wide range of important issues and even given money to your likely opponent, Hillary Clinton?
Look, Ive been through this a million times. I'm a business man, I give money to whoever is in charge at the time to get what I want. It's just a good business practice, I don't care who gets how much, they are all the same, as long as I get what I want.
But what about all the changes in you positions? It seems you tell people what they want to hear at the time to get what you want, and right now it seems you really want to be the president. Should they trust what you're saying now, or look back at your record?
Hey look, whatever your name is, you're a nobody! A NO-BO-DY!
I don't even know why I'm talking to you! I'm worth 11 or 12 billion dollars. How much are you worth? I don't have time for your crap kid! I am going to win big here tonight, and then I'm going to win in South Carolina and I'm going to run the table. And not you, or that jackass Ted Cruz, or that little dweeb Rubio or that mamby-pamby Jeb Bush is going to stop me!
Wow, okay. Last question Mr. Trump, if you win all the time and everything you do is so successful, can you explain your four bankruptcies, and your numerous failed projects like Trump Airlines, Trump Vodka, Trump Magazine, Trump Casinos, Trump University, and Trump Steaks? Didn't you put your name on all these things, line up investors, sold them on how these were all going to be the greatest projects ever, and when they failed, you left them holding the bag, along with the debt?
Hey those were all great products, but they were ahead of their time. Those steaks were delicious. Best in the world.
I got to go, Jake Tapper wants me in the green room.
Monday, January 18, 2016
Two Corinthians walk into a bar.....
I get the appeal of Trump, I do.
He says what people want to hear at any given time. He changes his marketing pitch, and party affiliation, depending on the times.
He knows how the game is played. He has even paid (both parties) for a few rule changes along the way to make it easier for himself.
He taps into the anger of older republicans who are looking for someone to take them back to the good ol' days. Those days are over by the way and no man, not even a president, will bring them back. This isn't 1980, and Donald Trump is not Ronald Reagan.
He appeals to younger people who look upon most Washington politicians as liars and cheats and want an outsider to change things. (he won't) He also has name recognition, which at this point in the race means a great deal in the polls for those who are not really paying attention.
My biggest issue with Donald Trump is he is not genuine.
I know it's hard to look inside anyone's heart and know what they believe, but I can spot a phony pretty easily.
You know that guy at the party, when you are talking about golf, and you say you'd be lucky to shoot under 100 at Pebble Beach. Then he chimes in and says he shot 66 there. When you ask him how he did this amazing feat, he says he had a couple of hole in ones that day, and he was driving the ball about 450 yards that day. Um, sure thing buddy.
Two Corinthians Donald? Really?
Look, I get it. You don't read the Bible regularly. That's not a big deal to me. Not a big deal to most people. But it is a big deal to some people who will caucus in Iowa in a few weeks. If you know anything about The Donald, he wants to win more than anything, and he will say anything to win. Anything.
He tries to talk like an evangelical when he in front of an evangelical crowd, but he doesn't come across as genuine because it's not who he is. I'm sure he won't mention Two Corinthians when he heads to a much more secular New Hampshire in a few weeks.
Now I know some of you will see this and say, "So what?" There is literally nothing Trump could say that would make you change your mind.
You are mad at Obama, mad at the GOP establishment, mad at the direction the country is heading, and you have pinned you hopes on a real estate developer and reality television star. You're mad; I get it.
I changed my party affiliation from republican to 'decline to state' a few years back when the Washington GOP traded their loyalty from the republican base to the lobbyists on K Street. No one is more upset with John Boehner and Mitch McConnell than I am.
I also understand there are no perfect candidates. None. Everyone running has views and positions I do not agree with, and that's fine. For me, I want the most conservative candidate who can win.
I think Rubio has the best chance in a general election. He's young, speaks about republican values in a way that resonates with a broad spectrum of voters, and is the person Hillary Clinton is most frightened of facing.
I'm not a fan of his gang of eight immigration plan, but one very similar to it will be the law of the land in the next few years, no matter who wins the election. I would like to have someone write this legislation who is less concerned with bringing in millions of new voters to their party and more concerned with the best way to change our broken immigration system.
I would like to see Rubio or Cruz get the nomination, but I would even support Christy, or really anyone in the field. Heck, I will even vote for Trump over Mrs. Clinton. This election is that important.
All that being said; I don't want to put my faith in a candidate who changes his beliefs with the political landscape. I don't want to put my faith in a guy who has no clue what an average American has to put up with in their everyday life. I don't want to put my faith in a guy who has proven that the rights of the little guy, the private property owner, are subservient to the rich and well connected. I don't want to put my faith in a guy who is popular because he is the best at pitting 'us' versus 'them'.
Like I said. It is hard to know what a person believes in, especially when he changes his beliefs to fit the times. But I do know this. Donald Trump believes in only one thing: Donald Trump.
Is that enough for you?
He says what people want to hear at any given time. He changes his marketing pitch, and party affiliation, depending on the times.
He knows how the game is played. He has even paid (both parties) for a few rule changes along the way to make it easier for himself.
He taps into the anger of older republicans who are looking for someone to take them back to the good ol' days. Those days are over by the way and no man, not even a president, will bring them back. This isn't 1980, and Donald Trump is not Ronald Reagan.
He appeals to younger people who look upon most Washington politicians as liars and cheats and want an outsider to change things. (he won't) He also has name recognition, which at this point in the race means a great deal in the polls for those who are not really paying attention.
My biggest issue with Donald Trump is he is not genuine.
I know it's hard to look inside anyone's heart and know what they believe, but I can spot a phony pretty easily.
You know that guy at the party, when you are talking about golf, and you say you'd be lucky to shoot under 100 at Pebble Beach. Then he chimes in and says he shot 66 there. When you ask him how he did this amazing feat, he says he had a couple of hole in ones that day, and he was driving the ball about 450 yards that day. Um, sure thing buddy.
Two Corinthians Donald? Really?
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| More here |
Look, I get it. You don't read the Bible regularly. That's not a big deal to me. Not a big deal to most people. But it is a big deal to some people who will caucus in Iowa in a few weeks. If you know anything about The Donald, he wants to win more than anything, and he will say anything to win. Anything.
He tries to talk like an evangelical when he in front of an evangelical crowd, but he doesn't come across as genuine because it's not who he is. I'm sure he won't mention Two Corinthians when he heads to a much more secular New Hampshire in a few weeks.
Now I know some of you will see this and say, "So what?" There is literally nothing Trump could say that would make you change your mind.
You are mad at Obama, mad at the GOP establishment, mad at the direction the country is heading, and you have pinned you hopes on a real estate developer and reality television star. You're mad; I get it.
I changed my party affiliation from republican to 'decline to state' a few years back when the Washington GOP traded their loyalty from the republican base to the lobbyists on K Street. No one is more upset with John Boehner and Mitch McConnell than I am.
I also understand there are no perfect candidates. None. Everyone running has views and positions I do not agree with, and that's fine. For me, I want the most conservative candidate who can win.
I think Rubio has the best chance in a general election. He's young, speaks about republican values in a way that resonates with a broad spectrum of voters, and is the person Hillary Clinton is most frightened of facing.
I'm not a fan of his gang of eight immigration plan, but one very similar to it will be the law of the land in the next few years, no matter who wins the election. I would like to have someone write this legislation who is less concerned with bringing in millions of new voters to their party and more concerned with the best way to change our broken immigration system.
I would like to see Rubio or Cruz get the nomination, but I would even support Christy, or really anyone in the field. Heck, I will even vote for Trump over Mrs. Clinton. This election is that important.
All that being said; I don't want to put my faith in a candidate who changes his beliefs with the political landscape. I don't want to put my faith in a guy who has no clue what an average American has to put up with in their everyday life. I don't want to put my faith in a guy who has proven that the rights of the little guy, the private property owner, are subservient to the rich and well connected. I don't want to put my faith in a guy who is popular because he is the best at pitting 'us' versus 'them'.
Like I said. It is hard to know what a person believes in, especially when he changes his beliefs to fit the times. But I do know this. Donald Trump believes in only one thing: Donald Trump.
Is that enough for you?
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
2015: A year of change.
2015 has been a year of change for me. Unless you were unfortunate enough to be frozen in carbonite by a galactic bounty hunter, it's safe to say, your life changed a bit as well.
I should start with the most apparent change; I have lost over 100 pounds since last January.
I would like to say that it was just a lot of hard work, disciplined dieting, and strenuous exercise that was the catalyst for this change. However, most of you know me too well to buy that story. No, the past several decades of poor eating habits, and a less than active lifestyle, let me put on 5 pounds a year and over that time my health started to decline. Starting to develop diabetes and high blood pressure was the tipping point for me, and I decided I had to do something. Something other than what I had tried in the past.
I elected to have gastric bypass surgery. From the initial consultation with my personal doctor, to the interviews with the Bariatric Surgery staff, all the lab tests, and monitoring, it took about four months to get a date for my surgery. For anyone who has been through this, or is thinking about having bariatric surgery, let me just say, it is not fun. At all.
Having you guts cut open and re-plumed is not for the faint of heart. It hurts like hell for the first week. Gradually, it gets a little better each day, until two weeks has passed and it only feels like you were hit in the belly with square nosed shovel. I won't bore you with the details, but you don't eat a lot, and by that I mean hardly anything at all. It's pretty much an all liquid diet for a few weeks. Slowly you get eat solid foods, like six string beans, or half a scrambled egg.
I am a terrible patient and did not follow the eating guidelines very well. That will come as a shock to no one, but whenever I crossed the line, I paid a hefty price by throwing it right back up. Anyway, you get the idea; no fun, lots of pain, and some vomiting, kind of like a Nicolas Cage movie.
It has been eleven months since my surgery, and my weight has stabilized around 235. That was my personal goal, but I'm sure my doctors will want me down around 200. That would be fine, and I think I can get there over time. I'm much more active now, I ride my bike downtown four times a week, and my back and knees feel a lot better. My blood sugar is doing great and my blood pressure is just a tick over normal now.
It is strange to me how some pretty drastic changes can happen through a little bit of effort, while some require a herculean undertaking.
I stopped getting drunk 15 or 20 years ago. I just decided to stop. It didn't take a lot of will power to do it, I just made up my mind and stopped drinking more than one (of anything).
I won't say I quit drinking. I still have a occasional beer or a single shot of bourbon every once in a while, to the amazement of some of my friends who didn't know me in the old days. Today, I can have a drink, and don't feel the need to have another. Thank the Lord for that. I know many people who cannot stop at just one. It's better all together if they don't drink at all.
I guess that is how I was with pizza and cheese burgers. I still have those today, but I can only have one slice of pizza or maybe half a cheeseburger. I'm cool with that. I wish I could have just decided to stop eating pizza after one slice, but I couldn't, and if I had done nothing, it probably would have killed me.
Do you need to make a drastic change in your life? In your relationships? In your health? Do you need to take action in a certain area of your life that is slowly destroying you or your family?
I hope it is just as simple as making a decision. I really do.
If it's not, and if it's something you have decided to change many times in the past, only to fail; do something different. Reach out for help. No one will think you're weak because you need help. I certainly won't. I stopped drinking with little difficulty; I had to have to serious surgery to stop eating half a pizza at a sitting.
You can do this. It may take some serious effort, and yes, even some pain, but I can tell you from where I sit right now, it is worth it. Totally worth it.
If someone you care for needs help, support them, but get them help.
I should start with the most apparent change; I have lost over 100 pounds since last January.
I would like to say that it was just a lot of hard work, disciplined dieting, and strenuous exercise that was the catalyst for this change. However, most of you know me too well to buy that story. No, the past several decades of poor eating habits, and a less than active lifestyle, let me put on 5 pounds a year and over that time my health started to decline. Starting to develop diabetes and high blood pressure was the tipping point for me, and I decided I had to do something. Something other than what I had tried in the past.
I elected to have gastric bypass surgery. From the initial consultation with my personal doctor, to the interviews with the Bariatric Surgery staff, all the lab tests, and monitoring, it took about four months to get a date for my surgery. For anyone who has been through this, or is thinking about having bariatric surgery, let me just say, it is not fun. At all.
Having you guts cut open and re-plumed is not for the faint of heart. It hurts like hell for the first week. Gradually, it gets a little better each day, until two weeks has passed and it only feels like you were hit in the belly with square nosed shovel. I won't bore you with the details, but you don't eat a lot, and by that I mean hardly anything at all. It's pretty much an all liquid diet for a few weeks. Slowly you get eat solid foods, like six string beans, or half a scrambled egg.
I am a terrible patient and did not follow the eating guidelines very well. That will come as a shock to no one, but whenever I crossed the line, I paid a hefty price by throwing it right back up. Anyway, you get the idea; no fun, lots of pain, and some vomiting, kind of like a Nicolas Cage movie.
It has been eleven months since my surgery, and my weight has stabilized around 235. That was my personal goal, but I'm sure my doctors will want me down around 200. That would be fine, and I think I can get there over time. I'm much more active now, I ride my bike downtown four times a week, and my back and knees feel a lot better. My blood sugar is doing great and my blood pressure is just a tick over normal now.
It is strange to me how some pretty drastic changes can happen through a little bit of effort, while some require a herculean undertaking.
I stopped getting drunk 15 or 20 years ago. I just decided to stop. It didn't take a lot of will power to do it, I just made up my mind and stopped drinking more than one (of anything).
I won't say I quit drinking. I still have a occasional beer or a single shot of bourbon every once in a while, to the amazement of some of my friends who didn't know me in the old days. Today, I can have a drink, and don't feel the need to have another. Thank the Lord for that. I know many people who cannot stop at just one. It's better all together if they don't drink at all.
I guess that is how I was with pizza and cheese burgers. I still have those today, but I can only have one slice of pizza or maybe half a cheeseburger. I'm cool with that. I wish I could have just decided to stop eating pizza after one slice, but I couldn't, and if I had done nothing, it probably would have killed me.
Do you need to make a drastic change in your life? In your relationships? In your health? Do you need to take action in a certain area of your life that is slowly destroying you or your family?
I hope it is just as simple as making a decision. I really do.
If it's not, and if it's something you have decided to change many times in the past, only to fail; do something different. Reach out for help. No one will think you're weak because you need help. I certainly won't. I stopped drinking with little difficulty; I had to have to serious surgery to stop eating half a pizza at a sitting.
You can do this. It may take some serious effort, and yes, even some pain, but I can tell you from where I sit right now, it is worth it. Totally worth it.
If someone you care for needs help, support them, but get them help.
Thursday, October 01, 2015
50 is the new,,,oh Hell, 50 is still old.
As I sneak up on my 50th birthday, certain things are becoming sharper in their focus.
Time; which once seemed in infinite supply, seems more finite, much like my patience.
Purpose; which I once thought would somehow find me, seems to be lost, and without a GPS and distracted by pretty flowers.
And lastly Relationships; trying to sort out the ebb and flow of people in and out of my life.
Let's start with time. Time is a constant. It flows like a river, free of any restrictions as it marches unencumbered to its destination. There is no damming its path, no constricting its volume. It will follow the path of least resistance and we are powerless to stop it. Much like the growth of the federal government.
I like to think of time as the $5 bill I received as a birthday gift when I was around 7 or 8. For a child, (back in the early 70s anyway) $5 was an enormous amount of money. I remember getting that $5 bill and heading to the Oak Run Store with my friend Johnny. This was back when a candy bar was .25 cents, or maybe they just went to .35 cents, it's hard to remember. Anyway, we bought an obscene amount or sugar laden food items, which included a box of chocolate-covered, marshmallow pinwheel cookies.
We ate the entire box on our walk back to his house. By the end of the day, we had eaten enough candy to make ourselves miserably sick and I still had about $1.75 left. Later that week I went with my mom to town where I bought some football cards (I was never a big baseball fan until later) and maybe a MAD magazine or two. My point being, the five dollars was gone and I had very little to show for it.
I think back to my teenage years, my 20s, even my 30s and wonder what my life would look like today if I spent less time chasing after pinwheel cookies and focusing on something of greater value? Who knows, if I'm not careful, I may look back on my 50s and wonder what the hell was I doing with all that extra time as well.
I wish I could take some of that time back. But I can't; it's gone. Spend your time wisely people. Spend it with the ones you love. Spend it doing what you love. In the end, it's your most valuable asset.
Purpose. What is my purpose in life? If anyone knows, please feel free to let me in on the secret.
As I get older, I start to wonder if there is anything more important than figuring out my purpose on this spinning blue orb circling the M class star in the middle of our Milky Way galaxy.
For me, the easy answer, being a Christian, (and a terrible one at that) is to live the way Jesus would want me to. To love Him above all else, and love others as much as I love myself. Most of the time, I find this to be an impossible standard to live up to. It would be easy to give up and say, "Lord, you know what weak material I am made of, can't I just try to be nice to most people and not kill anyone?" I find these are the one-sided deals we pretend to make with God.
We always try to change the rules to fit our lives, and to keep ourselves as comfortable and safe as possible. That isn't what Jesus called us to do. We are to follow Him. There will always be risk, pain, and conflict when you follow Jesus; it's a certain as the turning of the earth. The reward? A truly priceless, yet free gift, given to us as a debt paid in full.
Is it worthy of my best effort? You bet it is. Even as I know I will always fall short, I will get back up and try to do better tomorrow.
I have other purposes that I am committed to, as a husband, father, friend, employee, etc. I hope I have lived up to these endeavors, and pray I will continue to grow and learn as I get older. In all these things, what I always strive for in everything I do, is to help people. I know I'm not going to change the world, but if I can help a few people along the way, I would be satisfied with that. Make a difference, even a small one.
Relationships are tricky. I must admit, I am not very good at them.
I'm not sure if it was my semi-solitary upbringing on the ranch, or it's just the way the Lord created me, but I am content when I am by myself. It's not that I don't like crowds, or parties, or being with friends. I do. However, I am just as happy alone with my thoughts. Sometimes that comes across the wrong way to people, and I apologize. While I am outgoing, and can make friends easily, I am not very good at cultivating and growing those friendships. My best friends are the people I sometimes don't talk to for months at a time, but when we do talk, we pick up right where we left off. I should work on this. I will try.
As far as being a husband, I am far from perfect. You can ask my wife; she knows. I don't consider myself to be malicious or do anything to try to be hurtful or careless. I think mine are mostly errors of omission. Having been married for twenty seven years, there are many times I take my wife for granted. I get wrapped up in me, and what is going on inside my head and forget that she is the other half of this partnership. Her thoughts, feeling and concerns should be just as important to me as mine. I could write a book on all the dumb things I have done in our marriage, but let's just say, I love that woman to pieces and thank the Lord for her all the time.
I have written about my children on many occasions, and whatever I said still goes. (I think, I'll have to go back and read it again)
I am so proud of each one of them. Steven is a kind, thoughtful soul. He is intelligent, talented and will always do the right thing. Abbie has grown into wonderful young woman. She is hard working and kind. She is smart and funny, and has a goofy side to her that I think she gets from me. As talented as Steven is with a guitar in his hands, Abbie is equally talented on horseback. They follow different passions, but they both love what they do and it is joy to watch them. If I can only get Abbie to breathe when she rides in competition; I'm afraid she will pass out one of these days.
All in all, I have no right to complain. The first fifty years have had some wonderful highs, gut wrenching lows, and a lot of time somewhere in the middle. I am more than content to have my faith, my family, and my friends.
To quote Eddie Vedder,
"Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love.
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none, uh huh."
Time; which once seemed in infinite supply, seems more finite, much like my patience.
Purpose; which I once thought would somehow find me, seems to be lost, and without a GPS and distracted by pretty flowers.
And lastly Relationships; trying to sort out the ebb and flow of people in and out of my life.
Let's start with time. Time is a constant. It flows like a river, free of any restrictions as it marches unencumbered to its destination. There is no damming its path, no constricting its volume. It will follow the path of least resistance and we are powerless to stop it. Much like the growth of the federal government.
I like to think of time as the $5 bill I received as a birthday gift when I was around 7 or 8. For a child, (back in the early 70s anyway) $5 was an enormous amount of money. I remember getting that $5 bill and heading to the Oak Run Store with my friend Johnny. This was back when a candy bar was .25 cents, or maybe they just went to .35 cents, it's hard to remember. Anyway, we bought an obscene amount or sugar laden food items, which included a box of chocolate-covered, marshmallow pinwheel cookies.
We ate the entire box on our walk back to his house. By the end of the day, we had eaten enough candy to make ourselves miserably sick and I still had about $1.75 left. Later that week I went with my mom to town where I bought some football cards (I was never a big baseball fan until later) and maybe a MAD magazine or two. My point being, the five dollars was gone and I had very little to show for it.
I think back to my teenage years, my 20s, even my 30s and wonder what my life would look like today if I spent less time chasing after pinwheel cookies and focusing on something of greater value? Who knows, if I'm not careful, I may look back on my 50s and wonder what the hell was I doing with all that extra time as well.
I wish I could take some of that time back. But I can't; it's gone. Spend your time wisely people. Spend it with the ones you love. Spend it doing what you love. In the end, it's your most valuable asset.
Purpose. What is my purpose in life? If anyone knows, please feel free to let me in on the secret.
As I get older, I start to wonder if there is anything more important than figuring out my purpose on this spinning blue orb circling the M class star in the middle of our Milky Way galaxy.
For me, the easy answer, being a Christian, (and a terrible one at that) is to live the way Jesus would want me to. To love Him above all else, and love others as much as I love myself. Most of the time, I find this to be an impossible standard to live up to. It would be easy to give up and say, "Lord, you know what weak material I am made of, can't I just try to be nice to most people and not kill anyone?" I find these are the one-sided deals we pretend to make with God.
We always try to change the rules to fit our lives, and to keep ourselves as comfortable and safe as possible. That isn't what Jesus called us to do. We are to follow Him. There will always be risk, pain, and conflict when you follow Jesus; it's a certain as the turning of the earth. The reward? A truly priceless, yet free gift, given to us as a debt paid in full.
Is it worthy of my best effort? You bet it is. Even as I know I will always fall short, I will get back up and try to do better tomorrow.
I have other purposes that I am committed to, as a husband, father, friend, employee, etc. I hope I have lived up to these endeavors, and pray I will continue to grow and learn as I get older. In all these things, what I always strive for in everything I do, is to help people. I know I'm not going to change the world, but if I can help a few people along the way, I would be satisfied with that. Make a difference, even a small one.
Relationships are tricky. I must admit, I am not very good at them.
I'm not sure if it was my semi-solitary upbringing on the ranch, or it's just the way the Lord created me, but I am content when I am by myself. It's not that I don't like crowds, or parties, or being with friends. I do. However, I am just as happy alone with my thoughts. Sometimes that comes across the wrong way to people, and I apologize. While I am outgoing, and can make friends easily, I am not very good at cultivating and growing those friendships. My best friends are the people I sometimes don't talk to for months at a time, but when we do talk, we pick up right where we left off. I should work on this. I will try.
As far as being a husband, I am far from perfect. You can ask my wife; she knows. I don't consider myself to be malicious or do anything to try to be hurtful or careless. I think mine are mostly errors of omission. Having been married for twenty seven years, there are many times I take my wife for granted. I get wrapped up in me, and what is going on inside my head and forget that she is the other half of this partnership. Her thoughts, feeling and concerns should be just as important to me as mine. I could write a book on all the dumb things I have done in our marriage, but let's just say, I love that woman to pieces and thank the Lord for her all the time.
I have written about my children on many occasions, and whatever I said still goes. (I think, I'll have to go back and read it again)
I am so proud of each one of them. Steven is a kind, thoughtful soul. He is intelligent, talented and will always do the right thing. Abbie has grown into wonderful young woman. She is hard working and kind. She is smart and funny, and has a goofy side to her that I think she gets from me. As talented as Steven is with a guitar in his hands, Abbie is equally talented on horseback. They follow different passions, but they both love what they do and it is joy to watch them. If I can only get Abbie to breathe when she rides in competition; I'm afraid she will pass out one of these days.
All in all, I have no right to complain. The first fifty years have had some wonderful highs, gut wrenching lows, and a lot of time somewhere in the middle. I am more than content to have my faith, my family, and my friends.
To quote Eddie Vedder,
"Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love.
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none, uh huh."
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Follow your dreams: and other such nonsense
We are told, by seemingly everyone these days, to follow our passion. However, I would like to ask this question; is that always a good idea? Seriously, is following your dreams always a good idea?
Being a GenXer, I was not beaten over head the head with this notion to the extent that my children were. Today when you sit your little ones down to watch a kids/teens movie, these messages will be central to the story. Be yourself. Believe in your dreams when no one else does. Follow your heart. Follow your dreams. You can do anything if you try hard enough. You can change the world.
I know it makes for good movies, but is it good advice?
Who am I to do battle with Walt Disney Studios and the billions of dollars they have made selling this idea with movies, music, books, backpacks, t-shirts, theme parks and commemorative Christmas ornaments? I'm really not doing battle with the idea of following your dreams, I'm just saying lets step back, take deep breath, and think about this.
Let's take the idea of following our dreams and see how that plays out in real life. I consider myself lucky enough to have a few things I am passionate about. I'm not talking about my family, as they are my driving passion, my main concern and the biggest responsibility in my life. No, I'm talking about the interests, hobbies, and passions that make up all the things I would rather be doing when I'm not doing them.
For me they are; music, writing, the outdoors, art, making things with wood or steel, and a host of others. Given the choice, would I rather have some type of vocation centered around one of them? My honest answer is yes; probably.
I do know people who have taken the thing they love and turned it into a successful business or career. That seems like a wonderful thing. Are they the lucky ones? I would think so. What about everyone else?
What if you are passionate about art. You have watched all the movies about believing in yourself, following your dreams, and you set out to change the world with your art. You study art, create art, live for art, try to sell art, try to teach art, but you can never make enough money for a first and last month's rent deposit? What message does that send to you? Are you a failure? You stayed with dream when everyone said you're crazy, you believed in yourself when no one else did, and it didn't work out. Now what? Do you become dejected? Bitter with the world, with yourself? Will you now have to 'settle' for some other 'meaningless' job to pay the bills?
I love music, and I would love to be a professional musician. It is a huge part of who I am as a person. I have always wanted to play music and sing. The singing part comes naturally to me, but the guitar/bass part is where my fingers and brain part company. I play bass well enough to get by if you keep it simple, but I understand my limitations. I am not gifted with that kind of talent. If had started playing music much earlier, by this time in my life I could have been a respectable musician, which I am not.
Instead of following my dreams, I followed the dreams picked out for me by my father. When my father passed away, so to did those plans. I had to make it up as I went. I also had a family and needed to make some sort of living. I took whatever work came along. I have worked construction, heavy equipment operation, driven trucks, cowboy, network cabling, inside and outside sales and project management just to name a few. I have been happy in each of those jobs; Save one. I briefly sold cars while waiting for my contractors license. I hated that job. I was good at it, but making money by helping people make bad financial decisions was not for me.
I have dabbled in freelance writing, and I enjoyed it. I would consider doing that again, but only on the side. Much like my music, I enjoy writing, but I'm not that talented. I believe I could have made a living in almost any vocation, including ones that share my passions, but it didn't turn out that way.
Am I miserable? Am I working at a job I hate? One that crushes my soul and strips away my happiness? Not at all. I actually love my job. I get to meet new people, learn new technologies, and it's a great place to work with good benefits. My job enables me the financial means to enjoy my passions and interests in my spare time and since I no longer have to travel for work, I have that time. But even if I didn't have a good job, and believe me, there have been times when I didn't, I think I would still be happy. Why? I think it's because I define success differently than a lot of people.
What I am trying to say is following your dreams is great, but it shouldn't be what defines your success. What if your dream is to be a professional baseball player, and you are extremely talented. There are three hundred million people in America. That means there are tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of extremely talented baseball players trying to get one of the 835 roster spots on a big league team. Dreams do come true, but the odds are very long indeed.
Could you take your passion for baseball find a way to work around the sport you love? Broadcasting, sport phycology, personal trainer, marketing, transportation, or even grounds maintenance. Being around the ballpark everyday would be cool, even if you were not playing. Could you work around the thing you love without being at the center of it? Could you feel successful without fulfilling that childhood dream? I hope so.
Even if you make your dream come true, will that guarantee your happiness? You could create a piece of music that hits number one on the charts, or have your art hanging in a prestigious gallery and get written up the The New Yorker, or write a novel that gets made into a motion picture staring Matt Damon. Cool. Let's say you make it, let's say you are financially and critically successful doing the thing you love. This may sound harsh but, so what?
Plenty of people achieve success. Are they happy? Did their success turn what they loved into something unrecognizable? Did they or their manager, agent, or studio take over their project and slowly turn their passion into a commodity to be packaged, marketed and sold like soda pop? Did the fame, money and success make them happy?
Will they be playing their one hit song in an Indian Casino thirty years later to pay for alimony, and child support payments? Will they be in and out of rehab? The tabloids are filled with successful people that come to find out they had achieved their dreams, only to be miserable. Maybe they were chasing the wrong dream.
What if you redefined your goals and your dreams? What if your dream wasn't to have success as a (fill in the blank)? What if your dreams were about you as a person and not what you do? What if your goal was to be a better person today than you were yesterday? What if your goal wasn't to change the world but to change one life at a time? What if your dream was to try to be positive influence on those around you? What if your dream was to be the best version of yourself you could be?
That would mean, no matter where you find yourself, you are in charge of your success. You could be working in a recording studio, producing music, or working at radio station as a production assistant making minimum wage. You could be working as a professional plumber (and they make a very good living) and still get together with your friends and play music a few nights a week and live a wonderful life. You could work as a therapist, really helping people, and paint, draw or write poetry in you spare time. Wouldn't you consider that success?
The great thing about living life with the goal of being a good person is it makes you a bit tougher when the world hits you with a setback. You will know that your job is not you. Your house is not you. Your bank account is not you. The only thing that is really you is how you treat others, and how you view yourself.
Being a good person doesn't mean being perfect. We are all going to fall short at times. There will be peaks and valleys in life, they are unavoidable; health issues, relationship issues, financial issues, but you can choose how you deal with every one of them.
No matter what today threw at you, tomorrow is another chance to succeed. That is a dream I can follow.
Being a GenXer, I was not beaten over head the head with this notion to the extent that my children were. Today when you sit your little ones down to watch a kids/teens movie, these messages will be central to the story. Be yourself. Believe in your dreams when no one else does. Follow your heart. Follow your dreams. You can do anything if you try hard enough. You can change the world.
I know it makes for good movies, but is it good advice?
Who am I to do battle with Walt Disney Studios and the billions of dollars they have made selling this idea with movies, music, books, backpacks, t-shirts, theme parks and commemorative Christmas ornaments? I'm really not doing battle with the idea of following your dreams, I'm just saying lets step back, take deep breath, and think about this.
Let's take the idea of following our dreams and see how that plays out in real life. I consider myself lucky enough to have a few things I am passionate about. I'm not talking about my family, as they are my driving passion, my main concern and the biggest responsibility in my life. No, I'm talking about the interests, hobbies, and passions that make up all the things I would rather be doing when I'm not doing them.
For me they are; music, writing, the outdoors, art, making things with wood or steel, and a host of others. Given the choice, would I rather have some type of vocation centered around one of them? My honest answer is yes; probably.
I do know people who have taken the thing they love and turned it into a successful business or career. That seems like a wonderful thing. Are they the lucky ones? I would think so. What about everyone else?
What if you are passionate about art. You have watched all the movies about believing in yourself, following your dreams, and you set out to change the world with your art. You study art, create art, live for art, try to sell art, try to teach art, but you can never make enough money for a first and last month's rent deposit? What message does that send to you? Are you a failure? You stayed with dream when everyone said you're crazy, you believed in yourself when no one else did, and it didn't work out. Now what? Do you become dejected? Bitter with the world, with yourself? Will you now have to 'settle' for some other 'meaningless' job to pay the bills?
I love music, and I would love to be a professional musician. It is a huge part of who I am as a person. I have always wanted to play music and sing. The singing part comes naturally to me, but the guitar/bass part is where my fingers and brain part company. I play bass well enough to get by if you keep it simple, but I understand my limitations. I am not gifted with that kind of talent. If had started playing music much earlier, by this time in my life I could have been a respectable musician, which I am not.
Instead of following my dreams, I followed the dreams picked out for me by my father. When my father passed away, so to did those plans. I had to make it up as I went. I also had a family and needed to make some sort of living. I took whatever work came along. I have worked construction, heavy equipment operation, driven trucks, cowboy, network cabling, inside and outside sales and project management just to name a few. I have been happy in each of those jobs; Save one. I briefly sold cars while waiting for my contractors license. I hated that job. I was good at it, but making money by helping people make bad financial decisions was not for me.
I have dabbled in freelance writing, and I enjoyed it. I would consider doing that again, but only on the side. Much like my music, I enjoy writing, but I'm not that talented. I believe I could have made a living in almost any vocation, including ones that share my passions, but it didn't turn out that way.
Am I miserable? Am I working at a job I hate? One that crushes my soul and strips away my happiness? Not at all. I actually love my job. I get to meet new people, learn new technologies, and it's a great place to work with good benefits. My job enables me the financial means to enjoy my passions and interests in my spare time and since I no longer have to travel for work, I have that time. But even if I didn't have a good job, and believe me, there have been times when I didn't, I think I would still be happy. Why? I think it's because I define success differently than a lot of people.
What I am trying to say is following your dreams is great, but it shouldn't be what defines your success. What if your dream is to be a professional baseball player, and you are extremely talented. There are three hundred million people in America. That means there are tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of extremely talented baseball players trying to get one of the 835 roster spots on a big league team. Dreams do come true, but the odds are very long indeed.
Could you take your passion for baseball find a way to work around the sport you love? Broadcasting, sport phycology, personal trainer, marketing, transportation, or even grounds maintenance. Being around the ballpark everyday would be cool, even if you were not playing. Could you work around the thing you love without being at the center of it? Could you feel successful without fulfilling that childhood dream? I hope so.
Even if you make your dream come true, will that guarantee your happiness? You could create a piece of music that hits number one on the charts, or have your art hanging in a prestigious gallery and get written up the The New Yorker, or write a novel that gets made into a motion picture staring Matt Damon. Cool. Let's say you make it, let's say you are financially and critically successful doing the thing you love. This may sound harsh but, so what?
Plenty of people achieve success. Are they happy? Did their success turn what they loved into something unrecognizable? Did they or their manager, agent, or studio take over their project and slowly turn their passion into a commodity to be packaged, marketed and sold like soda pop? Did the fame, money and success make them happy?
Will they be playing their one hit song in an Indian Casino thirty years later to pay for alimony, and child support payments? Will they be in and out of rehab? The tabloids are filled with successful people that come to find out they had achieved their dreams, only to be miserable. Maybe they were chasing the wrong dream.
What if you redefined your goals and your dreams? What if your dream wasn't to have success as a (fill in the blank)? What if your dreams were about you as a person and not what you do? What if your goal was to be a better person today than you were yesterday? What if your goal wasn't to change the world but to change one life at a time? What if your dream was to try to be positive influence on those around you? What if your dream was to be the best version of yourself you could be?
That would mean, no matter where you find yourself, you are in charge of your success. You could be working in a recording studio, producing music, or working at radio station as a production assistant making minimum wage. You could be working as a professional plumber (and they make a very good living) and still get together with your friends and play music a few nights a week and live a wonderful life. You could work as a therapist, really helping people, and paint, draw or write poetry in you spare time. Wouldn't you consider that success?
The great thing about living life with the goal of being a good person is it makes you a bit tougher when the world hits you with a setback. You will know that your job is not you. Your house is not you. Your bank account is not you. The only thing that is really you is how you treat others, and how you view yourself.
Being a good person doesn't mean being perfect. We are all going to fall short at times. There will be peaks and valleys in life, they are unavoidable; health issues, relationship issues, financial issues, but you can choose how you deal with every one of them.
No matter what today threw at you, tomorrow is another chance to succeed. That is a dream I can follow.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Change is hard.
Of all the things we encounter, in the short time we spend in this world, not many of them stay constant. Sure, you can say that the sun will come up tomorrow in the East, and barring a meteor smashing the earth out of its orbit, that is true. However, even our sun is slowly dying. In 2.8 Billion years or so, the sun will balloon into a Red Giant as it expends the last of its energy, before ultimately shrinking into a Black Dwarf; a cold ball of carbon drifting trough the universe. Much like the line from Fight Club; “On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.”
As humans, we like to think the things surrounding us are more or less permanent. When we're young, we think we will always be young, or at least we think old age is way down the road, and doesn't trouble our thoughts too much. We live in America, where we are the sole super power in the world right now, and have been for a few decades.
Many younger people do not remember the 'duck and cover' nuclear attack drills we had in elementary school. I'm not sure how crouching under my wooden desk would have saved me from a hydrogen bomb, but that is what we were instructed to do.
There was a great unease in my youth brought about by the existence of another super power with a larger military, nuclear weapons, and a stated goal that they would bury us. I'm sure 9/11 and the following years of war and terrorism are in the back of everyone's mind old enough to remember it. Still, there isn't that macro threat of the Cold War where one day the whole world would be incinerated as the USSR and the US engaged in a thermonuclear warfare.
Even with the resurgence of Russia, and the oncoming development of China, we are still the lone super power on the globe, for now. Give it another 30 years and China will compete and ultimately fill the void for global dominance. Young people will be astonished as we face off with China over natural resources, technological dominance, and Geo-politics. They will say, I remember when they built all our iPhones and TVs, why do they want to take over Japan and South Korea now?
Like I say, change is something, we as a species, are not very good at. Now, there are some people who are very good at spotting trends, and changing dynamics whether it be in business, technology, politics, or culture. These are the people who said, in ten years the big book stores will be a thing of the past. We laughed at them and said, hey I just became a Borders Rewards member, there is no way this place is closing. They just put in a coffee bar, free wi-fi, and beside, people will always want to browse and buy books in a store. Five years ago the same people said Best Buy, Radio Shack and electronic super stores will be gone in a few years and they may be right. I think Radio Shack just filed for bankruptcy last week.
Humans are the same way when it comes to our personal lives.We don't like change, or I should say the majority of us don't like change. Some folks out there, and thank the Lord for them, never like to sit still. They crave change, and are always looking to the future for a better way. However, most of us desire the steady, constant path where things go right along without much tumult or agitation. As long as we do what we've done before, we will be safe. As long as I keep showing up for work and doing it the same way, I will always have a job. As long as I treat my family/spouse the same way, they will always be there. As long as I live my life this way, I will receive this result.
If we take an objective look at life, I'm not sure how we come up with this notion of "do the same, get the same". We feel as though we are entitled to that steady, consistency of the way our lives are right now. I think that type of mentality is a dangerous thing. Things are changing all around us, all the time. We just have to start looking up from our daily tasks, our daily routines to spot these trends. Otherwise we will be blindsided by change.
I love technology. I stared in the IT infrastructure field 20 years ago. I started at the bottom and worked my way up, learning everything I could as I went. When I started there was a distinct stratification to the industry. Cable pullers were at the bottom, fiber optic technicians were towards the top. Terminating fiber optic cable back then was half skill, half artistry. Cleaving a bare fiber, smaller than a human hair, by hand and then polishing it with finer and finer grades of sanding/polishing paper took a long time. Making figure-eights on the paper with a polishing puck was all done by feel. If you screwed it up, you clipped off the end and started over. It took me a few months and a few dozen clipped ends to become good at it. It took me a few years to become really good at it.
Today, the ends come pre polished and you can use a fusion splicer to connect them to the fiber optic cable. The splicing machine is so precise, I could train most people to use it in a day or so. That is change. Not to say that new person will know how to use an optical time domain reflectometer or OTDR to test it, or perform all the other tasks that come with the job, but it is getting quicker, and easier to learn and do these tasks. Less training time, and more reliable tools means fewer fiber optic technicians are going to be needed in the future. Or at least their skill set will have less of a premium placed on it. That's why I am constantly keeping up on wireless technology, as our industry moves towards the mobile client.
I have mentioned the OODA loop before, Observe, Orient, Decide, Act, and it has become a model for me. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Can I do it better, or can I get better results? How can I get those results, what steps do I need to take? Then, act on the plan. Start the loop again. This process is not only applicable to individuals, but groups, businesses, churches. Any entity that has to deal with change.
I have been through a big change in my personal life recently. My weight has been an issue with me since high school. I was a skinny, active kid living out in the country. As I got into high school, I discovered fast food, and beer. Thankfully I also discovered sports. I was a three sport athlete in high school, so I was always training, lifting weights or competing. When I graduated, I kept my eating habits, but not my work out habits. Every year I put on three to five pounds or so. After a thirty years I found myself fat as a tick and becoming increasingly unhealthy.
In that time I had tried many diets. I lost and gained back twenty pounds, forty pounds, etc. When I started to become diabetic, that is when I knew I had to do something. I started the process of looking into gastric bypass surgery last fall, and this January 29th I went in for surgery.
This is not an easy endeavor. The pre-op work, weight loss and the surgery prep itself are no fun at all. The initial week to ten days following my surgery were painful and frustrating. Two weeks in, and I started feeling better. I went back to work my third week, and was back to normal work, no restrictions in six weeks.
I am now two and a half months out from my surgery and I'm adjusting to my new life. I have lost about sixty pounds so far, and feel better. I do look at eating in a different way now. Eating is not something I plan my day around as I did in the past. Some days I have to remember to eat. Some of my favorite foods I can't eat right now. Others are fine one day, and not so fine the next. My new, smaller stomach has its own set of rules. What it likes, how much and how fast to eat it, these are things I will have to think about. Break these rules, and I will pay a price.
This surgery, this decision, has and will change my life. I hope for the better, but time will tell. I could have done nothing, and continued to watch my heath deteriorate. I could have started another diet, and maybe this time, it would have worked. I'll never know. Based on my past experience, I am doubtful.
I say all this to point out that change is inevitable, but not always easy. You will not be the same person you are today this time next year. Things will happen, situations will change. you will change. The trick is, will you be one directing this change, or will things, people, events direct it? I understand that life happens, and sometimes events are outside your control, but how you respond to them is not. Your response is entirely up to you.
If you cannot change the past, (and you can't) you must move forward. What will you do? Will you sit down and turn inward in protest to the unfair card you were dealt? Will you get angry, bitter, and resentful at the people, the situation, or even God for letting this happen? How will you respond? How will you handle this change?
These can be scary questions. However, there is another side to change. What if we choose to do nothing? What if we choose not to see our relationships falling apart? What if we refuse to see our changing work place situation? What if we choose to stay on this same, "safe" path we have been on? What if that safe path leads nowhere? What if we lose one, two or twenty years keeping our head down and plodding along this path because we are afraid to face change. What if we grow comfortable in our apathy?
I offer no advice other than these two items:
As humans, we like to think the things surrounding us are more or less permanent. When we're young, we think we will always be young, or at least we think old age is way down the road, and doesn't trouble our thoughts too much. We live in America, where we are the sole super power in the world right now, and have been for a few decades.
Many younger people do not remember the 'duck and cover' nuclear attack drills we had in elementary school. I'm not sure how crouching under my wooden desk would have saved me from a hydrogen bomb, but that is what we were instructed to do.
There was a great unease in my youth brought about by the existence of another super power with a larger military, nuclear weapons, and a stated goal that they would bury us. I'm sure 9/11 and the following years of war and terrorism are in the back of everyone's mind old enough to remember it. Still, there isn't that macro threat of the Cold War where one day the whole world would be incinerated as the USSR and the US engaged in a thermonuclear warfare.
Even with the resurgence of Russia, and the oncoming development of China, we are still the lone super power on the globe, for now. Give it another 30 years and China will compete and ultimately fill the void for global dominance. Young people will be astonished as we face off with China over natural resources, technological dominance, and Geo-politics. They will say, I remember when they built all our iPhones and TVs, why do they want to take over Japan and South Korea now?
Like I say, change is something, we as a species, are not very good at. Now, there are some people who are very good at spotting trends, and changing dynamics whether it be in business, technology, politics, or culture. These are the people who said, in ten years the big book stores will be a thing of the past. We laughed at them and said, hey I just became a Borders Rewards member, there is no way this place is closing. They just put in a coffee bar, free wi-fi, and beside, people will always want to browse and buy books in a store. Five years ago the same people said Best Buy, Radio Shack and electronic super stores will be gone in a few years and they may be right. I think Radio Shack just filed for bankruptcy last week.
Humans are the same way when it comes to our personal lives.We don't like change, or I should say the majority of us don't like change. Some folks out there, and thank the Lord for them, never like to sit still. They crave change, and are always looking to the future for a better way. However, most of us desire the steady, constant path where things go right along without much tumult or agitation. As long as we do what we've done before, we will be safe. As long as I keep showing up for work and doing it the same way, I will always have a job. As long as I treat my family/spouse the same way, they will always be there. As long as I live my life this way, I will receive this result.
If we take an objective look at life, I'm not sure how we come up with this notion of "do the same, get the same". We feel as though we are entitled to that steady, consistency of the way our lives are right now. I think that type of mentality is a dangerous thing. Things are changing all around us, all the time. We just have to start looking up from our daily tasks, our daily routines to spot these trends. Otherwise we will be blindsided by change.
I love technology. I stared in the IT infrastructure field 20 years ago. I started at the bottom and worked my way up, learning everything I could as I went. When I started there was a distinct stratification to the industry. Cable pullers were at the bottom, fiber optic technicians were towards the top. Terminating fiber optic cable back then was half skill, half artistry. Cleaving a bare fiber, smaller than a human hair, by hand and then polishing it with finer and finer grades of sanding/polishing paper took a long time. Making figure-eights on the paper with a polishing puck was all done by feel. If you screwed it up, you clipped off the end and started over. It took me a few months and a few dozen clipped ends to become good at it. It took me a few years to become really good at it.
Today, the ends come pre polished and you can use a fusion splicer to connect them to the fiber optic cable. The splicing machine is so precise, I could train most people to use it in a day or so. That is change. Not to say that new person will know how to use an optical time domain reflectometer or OTDR to test it, or perform all the other tasks that come with the job, but it is getting quicker, and easier to learn and do these tasks. Less training time, and more reliable tools means fewer fiber optic technicians are going to be needed in the future. Or at least their skill set will have less of a premium placed on it. That's why I am constantly keeping up on wireless technology, as our industry moves towards the mobile client.
I have mentioned the OODA loop before, Observe, Orient, Decide, Act, and it has become a model for me. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Can I do it better, or can I get better results? How can I get those results, what steps do I need to take? Then, act on the plan. Start the loop again. This process is not only applicable to individuals, but groups, businesses, churches. Any entity that has to deal with change.
I have been through a big change in my personal life recently. My weight has been an issue with me since high school. I was a skinny, active kid living out in the country. As I got into high school, I discovered fast food, and beer. Thankfully I also discovered sports. I was a three sport athlete in high school, so I was always training, lifting weights or competing. When I graduated, I kept my eating habits, but not my work out habits. Every year I put on three to five pounds or so. After a thirty years I found myself fat as a tick and becoming increasingly unhealthy.
In that time I had tried many diets. I lost and gained back twenty pounds, forty pounds, etc. When I started to become diabetic, that is when I knew I had to do something. I started the process of looking into gastric bypass surgery last fall, and this January 29th I went in for surgery.
This is not an easy endeavor. The pre-op work, weight loss and the surgery prep itself are no fun at all. The initial week to ten days following my surgery were painful and frustrating. Two weeks in, and I started feeling better. I went back to work my third week, and was back to normal work, no restrictions in six weeks.
I am now two and a half months out from my surgery and I'm adjusting to my new life. I have lost about sixty pounds so far, and feel better. I do look at eating in a different way now. Eating is not something I plan my day around as I did in the past. Some days I have to remember to eat. Some of my favorite foods I can't eat right now. Others are fine one day, and not so fine the next. My new, smaller stomach has its own set of rules. What it likes, how much and how fast to eat it, these are things I will have to think about. Break these rules, and I will pay a price.
This surgery, this decision, has and will change my life. I hope for the better, but time will tell. I could have done nothing, and continued to watch my heath deteriorate. I could have started another diet, and maybe this time, it would have worked. I'll never know. Based on my past experience, I am doubtful.
I say all this to point out that change is inevitable, but not always easy. You will not be the same person you are today this time next year. Things will happen, situations will change. you will change. The trick is, will you be one directing this change, or will things, people, events direct it? I understand that life happens, and sometimes events are outside your control, but how you respond to them is not. Your response is entirely up to you.
If you cannot change the past, (and you can't) you must move forward. What will you do? Will you sit down and turn inward in protest to the unfair card you were dealt? Will you get angry, bitter, and resentful at the people, the situation, or even God for letting this happen? How will you respond? How will you handle this change?
These can be scary questions. However, there is another side to change. What if we choose to do nothing? What if we choose not to see our relationships falling apart? What if we refuse to see our changing work place situation? What if we choose to stay on this same, "safe" path we have been on? What if that safe path leads nowhere? What if we lose one, two or twenty years keeping our head down and plodding along this path because we are afraid to face change. What if we grow comfortable in our apathy?
I offer no advice other than these two items:
- Change is coming, be the one out front directing it if all possible.
- It is possible.
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