Monday, December 14, 2009

When the world won't stop

Tomorrow, the sun will rise. Just as it has for eons, just like it did today. The world will awake to another day, and people will stumble into their routines and their busy lives as if nothing happened. People will walk from the parking lot to their offices, check their email, say hello to their co-workers and finish that second cup of coffee. Just as if nothing happened. How could they know, how could they know this is not just another day?

For you, this has been the day that you never thought could come. It is a day that doesn't seem real, but it is, it is all too real. It is the most painful day you have ever experienced. The most painful thing you can even imagine. The loss of a child.

Your world, as normal as it ever seemed just a few days ago, is gone. Gone forever. It has been replaced with sorrow, anger, doubt, and an empty feeling in the middle of you that you cannot seem to fill. In that void are phone calls you never thought you would have to make, and decisions you never thought you would have to decide.

Friends and family want to help, but they can't fix what needs fixing, they can't heal what is hurting. No one can make this right, not this. You feel like you life will never be right again.

All you want is for the world to stop turning, for time to stop, just for a few days, just for a few hours, just until you can get your head around this terrible thing. But you can't, you can never understand this. Why? Why now, why him, why so young? There are only question, no answers.

People will say that as time passes, the sorrow will slowly go away; and it will, to a certain point. That deep, immediate sorrow will diminish over time, only to be replaced with a longing for what could have been, what might have been. A life that touches yours at such a base level, at such a elemental level, will stay with you forever. This will be the day you measure ever other day against.

Every joy, and there will be joy in your life again, will be measured against this terrible low. Every low, and you will have your share of those too, will also be measured against this day. But that is for another day. .

Forgive the sun for rising today, it does not understand. Forgive the world for going about its day, the world does not know about your loss. Forgive you friends and family for not knowing what to say, or what to do to help you. Forgive God, this was not His doing.

It may not seem like it right now, but you will get through this, even when all you want to do is cry. So go ahead, we will be crying alongside you.

For Rendell and Jasmine, in memory of Esius.

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