Sunday, April 13, 2008

Ewoks, worse than mimes, or the French.

I am not sure why they are playing the Star Wars episodes back to back, to back to back on TV this week, but I am officially over it now. I was a big Star Wars fan growing up, I didn't have a Luke Skywalker action figure or anything weird, but I think I must have seen the original Star Wars movie a dozen times in the summer of 1977. I was eleven and I remember the first time I saw Darth Vader on big screen, I sank down in the plush velour seat hoping he didn't see me. Dang, that guy was scary.

Fast forward to 1981, I was a sophomore in high school, and when Luke discovers Vader is his father, after he cut off his hand that is in The Empire Strikes Back, I couldn't wait for the final film to wrap up the Star Wars trilogy. Oh my goodness was I disappointed. While the special effect were getting better with each movie in the series, and the light saber battle with Vader at the end is great, I could not get past the Ewoks.

Ewoks! What was going through George Lucas' mind when he decided that the Empire, the mightiest force in the galaxy, whose stormtroopers crushed all opposition and built not one, but two Death Stars, could be defeated by three foot tall teddy bears with pointy sticks and rocks? Not to boast, but I could defeat the entire Ewok special forces with a flat nosed shovel and a High Lift jack.

The final insult to my senses was the Ewok Celebration at the end of the film, or the Teddy bear tea party as I like to call it. After destroying the second death star, somehow or another defeating the Imperial Stormtroopers on Endor, and bringing balance to the Force while ending the reign of the Empire across the Galaxy, Luke and his gang head back to the Ewok tree forts where the Ewoks serenade everyone with an Gershwin inspired musical piece that makes the bile work its way up my throat whenever I hear it.

I hate the Ewoks with a passion, and that is a rare thing for me, I don't hate much of anything, but I draw the line at three foot tall, singing bears in my good versus evil sci-fi films.


Palerider said...

There's nothing wrong with you that a good Chewbaca comb over wouldn't cure!

Juanita's Journal said...

At last! Someone who shares my opinion of the Ewoks. Granted, I still love the old Original Trilogy. But the Ewoks . . . let's just say I would rather watch a two-hour movie about Jar-Jar Binks than watch 15 minutes about cuddly teddy bears with spears.