Santa sits down for a chat

Today we have special guest here at the Roughstock Journal, the one and only Santa Clause.

Thank you Cowboy, I am just winding down from Christmas. Its good to get away from the pole. It's been a rough year.

Santa, I guess my first question is, why are you here? I mean, you're not real and there is no magical land at the North Pole. Who are you fooling?

I never get questions like this when I go on Larry King. Why so hostile Cowboy. Is it the bike you didn't get when you were 8?

C'mon, that is just a lucky guess, your not real, you don't know who's bad and good or any of that stuff.

Really? Do you want me to tell your readers why you didn't get that bike when you were 8?

Uh, hello, because your not real.

No, because when you were 7, I gave you a pump BB gun, remember. Do you remember what you did with that BB gun?

I don't know what your talking about.

Let me refresh your memory, it has something to do with a pig. Do you remember shooting the pig in the butt repeatedly with the BB gun?

Yea, and my ol' man whooped my butt for that. So your telling me that for shooting the pig in the butt, I made the naughty list?

Oh not just for that, but that was the trump card. As a matter of fact, you're lucky you had nice parents, you made the naughty list in 71,72, 73 and 1976. If it weren't for them, it would have been coal city for you Cowboy.

71? I was six years old, what did I do when I was six to make the naughty list?

Do you really want to bring that up here?

Hm, maybe not, but I still have a problem with the whole North Pole, sleigh, reindeer, chimney thing.

Yea, I get that all the time.

So what do you have to say for yourself?

Magic.

Magic?

Magic.

C'mon fat man, MAGIC. That's it?

Yup.

What a load of manure.

See, that's why I don't do interviews.

Ok Santa, if you are real, what did I ask for Christmas this year?

Will you believe me then?

Yes Sir I will.

You wished for Arlen Spector to be replaced as Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Holy crap, you are Santa!

Yea, that's what I said.

That's about all the time we have today, Santa thanks for your time and I hope to see you back next year.

Don't get your hopes up.

By the way, about 1971, I have this non-disclosure statement for you to sign. Am I covered under attorney/client privilege, or doctor/client privilege, how does this work?

I won't rat you out Cowboy, I like your hat.

Thanks big guy.